Bipolar: When Enough is Not Enough
Published: Tue, 11/16/10
Hi ,
How are you doing today?
I hope it's a good day for you.
Let me ask you something:
When is enough not enough?
In other words, do you sometimes
feel like you're giving all you can,
but it's still not enough?
Do you sometimes feel like it's
not fair?
That's what Mark told me about
his wife Dianne one day while I
was working out at the gym.
You see, Dianne has bipolar disorder,
and Mark is her main supporter.
Usually, Dianne is pretty good
about taking her medication, going
to see her doctor, and doing all the
other things to keep her bipolar in
check.
And usually, she treats Mark pretty
good.
But sometimes, she gets in these
awful moods, Mark was telling me,
and then she takes them out on him.
She doesn't go into a full-blown
episode or anything, but it's like she
just has a "bad day," and just doesn't
act like herself.
Then, no matter what he does, no
matter how much compassion he
shows her, it's just not enough.
She gets really angry, for example.
Taking it out on him, Mark gets on
the defensive, and before you know
it, they're in a fight.
He usually doesn't even know what
they're even fighting about, but
there you have it - they certainly
are fighting!
And sometimes Mark can't control
his temper, so even though he knows
he shouldn't fight back, he does it
anyway, which just makes matters
worse, because Dianne just gets
madder and the fight just goes on.
But then Mark tries to end the fight,
even admits he was wrong, and
Dianne just keeps fighting. No matter
what Mark does, it's not good enough.
She's just in this bad mood, and she
just keeps taking it out on him!
He says that it's just so frustrating for
him. He tries to show love and
compassion for her, but it's like it's
not good enough when she gets like
this.
He just doesn't know what to do
when she gets like this, so he was
asking for my advice.
I'll be honest, at first I didn't know
what to say.
In my courses/systems, I go over the
signs and symptoms of a bipolar
episode, but I also talk about how
sometimes your loved one will just
have a bad bipolar day:
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That's just going to happen
sometimes.
It's just really tough when they
take it out on you.
And, unfortunately, sometimes that
will happen as well.
Because when we're not at our best,
we tend to take it out on the person
closest to us, and for someone with
bipolar disorder, that's their supporter.
I explained to Mark that it doesn't mean
that Dianne doesn't love him, or that
she is even doing this on purpose, but
that it's part of her disorder.
Sometimes, when someone with bipolar
disorder has a "bad bipolar day," they
take it out on those around them.
They just aren't themselves.
However, this can leave their supporter
feeling like no matter how much they
do, no matter how much compassion
they show, that it's just not enough.
What I told Mark is the same thing
I'll tell you:
Don't take it personally.
It's just a bad day.
They happen.
Try to keep your loved one separate
from their disorder and remember what
they're like when they're not manifesting
symptoms of their disorder, and try to
have more patience with them than usual.
What do you think about this?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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