Bipolar Disorder? Tell Them This
Published: Wed, 06/30/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
Hope you are doing well.
I just received an email from a woman
who was not happy.
She told me about how she got diagnosed
with bipolar disorder, and her struggles
dealing with it.
Then she told me that her long-term
boyfriend said something recently that
really offended her.
He said, "I don't think you're bipolar
because you don't act crazy like some of
the people we've met who are bipolar."
Wow.
Isn't that quite a statement?
I can see where she would be offended.
After all this time that he was supposed to
be there through her struggles, and he
wasn't even paying attention.
She asked me how she should respond
to this.
Well, that's not the easiest thing to answer,
but I'll fill you all in on what I think would
be best in a situation like that.
To start off with, address your hurt.
Let them know that it hurt you for them to
say that, and let them know why.
This might sound something like:
"I really wish you wouldn't have just
said that to me - it really hurt my feelings.
Now I feel like you haven't been paying
attention to all the struggles that I've
gone through with this."
Try to use "I statements" whenever you
can, because them getting defensive isn't
going to help you get your point across
any better.
Then, depending on how they react, you
can choose your actions from there.
Ideally, they'll realize that they worded
it poorly and let you know that it came out
wrong.
If that's the case, then you might have
solved the entire problem already.
I would suggest still sitting down to talk
about what they do see of your struggles,
just to make sure you are both on the same
page.
If, on the other hand, they continue with
their original point, and are not willing
to see that they hurt you (or why they hurt
you), then you will have to make it more
obvious to them.
At that point tell them about the struggles
that you've had, and that you're working
your way through it.
Tell them that it's disappointing that they
should be seeing this from the outside.
But then, I want you to realize something.
And once you've realized this, you can
tell them as well.
Yes, it's sad that they are seeing things
from the outside looking in, instead of
from the inside helping you out.
But if they must be on the outside, then at
least they see your more "normal" side
first.
If they aren't going to know you as well
as they should, at least they don't
immediately think that you're crazy.
It's hard, because it's coming from
someone who is supposed to be close to
you, but if you think about it, that is
exactly how you would want an outsider
to see you.
That means you're doing something right.
Unfortunately, it still means that they're
doing something wrong.
But you can tell them, that while you're
disappointed that they haven't been as
close to your situation as you had thought
that they were, at least you are recovering
well enough that you don't appear to be
"crazy."
They shouldn't be able to argue the fact
that not looking crazy is a good thing.
So maybe it will help them to see the
struggles that you have been going through.
If not, you may need to reevaluate your
relationship with them.
This doesn't necessarily mean to stop
talking to them altogether.
But if they aren't going to be as close to
you as you had thought, then you need to
be aware of that for the future.
I hope this helps.
Any other suggestions?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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