Bipolar Disorder and Unconditional Love
Published: Wed, 08/25/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope it's going good.
You know, there are two kinds of
love:
Conditional love and unconditional
love.
I want to use two case histories to
illustrate my point today (but not their
real names).
See if you can spot the differences.
John and Mary are married, and Mary
has bipolar disorder. Whenever Mary
"behaves," (as John calls it), in other
words, when Mary is not in a bipolar
episode or has no bipolar symptoms
or behavior, John treats her well. He
does things with her, he takes her out
to dinner, they do things with friends
and family, he buys her presents, he
talks nice to her, etc.
But when Mary is in an episode, or
shows bipolar symptoms or behavior,
John doesn't treat her well at all. Like
when Mary is depressed, John tells her
to "snap out of it," or says, "You could
be happy if you really wanted to be."
If Mary goes manic and spends too
much money, John screams and yells
at her for doing so, and even sometimes
calls her names. No more presents, no
more dinners, no more time with friends
and family, no more comfortable alone
time, either. There is tension between
them all the time, and they fight all the
time, usually about trivial things.
Then when Mary is better again, John
goes back to treating her nice again.
Because of this, Mary cannot seem to
stay stable with her bipolar disorder.
-----------------------------------------------
Jill and George are married, too, and
George has bipolar disorder. To Jill,
it doesn't matter if George is in a bipolar
episode or showing symptoms or behavior
of his bipolar or not, she treats him the
same.
She is supportive, kind, and loving.
She listens to him when he wants to talk,
or simply sits with him when he doesn't
want to talk but just wants company.
Jill and George do everything together.
When George is not in an episode or
showing bipolar symptoms or behavior,
they go for long walks in the park, they
visit friends and family, they go out to
dinner, they play board games or cards,
they go to the movies, and just enjoy
each other's company.
When George is in an episode or showing
symptoms or bipolar behavior, Jill is
still by his side - she doesn't change the
way she treats him at all, even though
they can't do all the things they would
normally be able to do. She rides out
the storm with him, whatever that takes.
Because of this, George is pretty stable
with his bipolar disorder.
------------------------------------------------------
Could you spot the differences?
Very simply, in the first case, with
John and Mary, John's treatment of
Mary depends on whether she is well
or sick. His love is conditional upon
her behavior - if she is not in a bipolar
episode or showing any bipolar behavior,
he treats her well, even buys her presents.
However, if she is in an episode or is
showing bipolar behavior, he withdraws
that unconditional love and treats her
poorly. His love is conditional upon her
behavior.
On the other hand, we have Jill and George.
Jill's love for George is unconditional.
She treats him the same whether he is
in a bipolar episode or showing signs of
bipolar behavior or not.
She acts the same way either way, and
treats him the same way either way.
That's unconditional love.
I had one supporter who told me this:
"I love my wife. I hate her bipolar
disorder. These are two different
things."
That can make it easier to separate
your loved one from their disorder,
and to have unconditional love for
them, which is why I talk about it
in my courses/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Whether your loved one is symptomatic
or not, they need your unconditional
love.
You need to be able to separate them
from their disorder in order to be able
to do this.
Remember what that one supporter
said, how he loves his wife but hates
her disorder and how these are two
different things. That might help you.
Is your love for your loved one
conditional or unconditional?
Can you see the difference between
the two types of love?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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