Bipolar Disorder and Lying
Published: Tue, 12/28/10
Hi ,
How are you doing today?
I hope you're doing fine.
Boy, did I open up a can of worms when I wrote
about whether or not someone with bipolar disorder
is lying or not!
I received more responses than I could possibly
answer!
I also learned a lot from you, and from your own
situations.
One point that really interested me, because it was
made several times, was the fact that you say that
to the person with bipolar disorder it isn't a lie,
because when they say it, they believe it.
I was talking to Michele (who works for me) about
that point, because she does have bipolar disorder,
and she said that it's like when her boys were little,
and they would tell her a lie, but then they would say
it was a lie, and then say, "Well, it's not a lie if I tell
you it's a lie, right?"
That's what this reminds me of. But how do we
know when the person is lying or not?
They aren't little any more, like Michele's small sons,
are they?
Or are they?
When someone is in a bipolar episode, they do tend
to seem somewhat childish, don't they? Or at least
some of them do.
I have interviewed some people for my courses,
and they have described this behavior in their
loved ones.
I have also interviewed parents with children who
describe this lying behavior in their children and
teenagers.
Also, in my courses, I talk about bipolar disorder
and lying, and that the person with the disorder
should not "get away with" the behavior:
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But what we're talking about here is when this
behavior is seen in an adult with bipolar disorder.
And what we're really talking about is making them
be responsible for their behavior.
That's what we really want.
That they should take responsibility for their
behavior, especially if it involves lying.
That's what a lot of the responses I got were
about.
There are a lot of angry people out there, whose
loved one tells lies, hurting you and others with
their lies.
Lots of the responses were like that.
It's not so much that they lie, but that they get
away with it.
That's what makes you so angry, isn't it?
That's what made me so angry with my mom,
anyway. That she got away with it.
She would do all the yelling, manipulating, and
lying, and I would get all the blame, and be the
one left to "clean up after" her.
I hated that. And I didn't think it was fair.
It really made me angry and resentful.
And it hurt a lot.
I think a lot of you out there are really feeling
hurt, more than anything else.
And the worst part is that your loved one goes
along not even knowing that they've hurt you
at all!
In my research, I found that it is very common that
a person with bipolar disorder will not remember
what they said or did when in a bipolar episode,
after the episode is over.
In my courses, I urge people to not take it personally,
and that's why.
Lying is one of the biggest complaints that bipolar
supporters have about their loved ones.
I hear about it all the time, at the support groups I
attend, in emails and calls I receive, from people
who talk to me, from people who write to me, etc.
And, like I said, I think it boils down to two things:
1. The hurt it causes.
2. The fact that they are getting away with it.
So what can you do about it?
You have to make your loved one take responsibility
for their actions.
Whether they remember it or not, they must take
responsibility for the behavior they did during their
bipolar episode.
And there need to be consequences to pay for lying
or not owning up to responsibilities.
Have you done this with your loved one?
What happened?
In what ways has your loved one lied to you?
What did you do about it?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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