Are You Overreacting to Bipolar Behavior?
Published: Sun, 01/16/11
Hi ,
How are you doing?
I hope you're doing well.
I was at a bipolar supporters support
group the other night, and this woman
came up to me and started talking to me.
She was telling me how her family and
friends were accusing her of making a
mountain out of a molehill (in other words,
of overreacting) with her loved one and
his bipolar behavior.
She was really upset by this, as these were
the people who she turned to for support, and
she felt like they were letting her down, and
in her words, "siding with him" (her loved one).
I asked her to tell me more about what was
going on.
She said that her husband George was going
into manic rages and calling her names and
accusing her of doing things that she wasn't
doing (like having an affair with her boss
when she came home late from work one
day), and was spending money like it was
going out of style, and she was sick of it -
She said she was just so sick of it all that
she was just going to divorce him and have
done with it all!
I tried to calm her down (she was very upset
by this point) and told her that I could see
where it might seem that her support system
might be "siding" with her husband if they
were encouraging her to think harder before
she went ahead and divorced him over his
bipolar behavior.
I explained to her that many bipolar
supporters have complained to me about
the same types of behavior, but that they
haven't divorced their spouses - they have
found other ways to work out their problems.
She did, finally, calm down, and agreed to
at least think about not divorcing George
right away.
Can you see how sometimes you can get
so caught up in your loved one's bipolar
behavior that you can make mountains
out of molehills if you're not careful?
That's why, in my courses/systems, I urge
you to communicate with your loved one,
and to talk about things that are bothering
you, before they build up to catastrophic
proportions:
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It's important that you express your thoughts
and feelings to your loved one BEFORE you
get to the point that you simply want to divorce
them rather than try to work things out, like
this woman who spoke to me at the bipolar
support group meeting.
By this point, she is, indeed, overreacting to
her loved one's bipolar behavior.
There are other methods to use besides
divorce to cope and deal with your loved
one's behavior.
It really shouldn't get that bad or that far.
It's up to you not to let it get that far.
Communication is the answer.
As well as setting boundaries and limits,
and then sticking to those boundaries and
limits.
That's the most important thing - sticking
to the limits that you've set.
Otherwise, you may as well have not set
them at all, because your loved one learns
that you don't really mean what you say,
and they push the limits every time.
For example, let's go back to the woman at
the support group meeting's complaints.
She said that George, her husband, would
go into manic rages and call her names.
Obviously, she would feel hurt by this.
So it is up to her to communicate to him
that it hurts her when he calls her names.
She needs to wait for a time when he is NOT
in a bipolar episode and say something
like:
"When you call me names, it hurts my
feelings."
or...
"When you call me names, I feel..."
Then she is effectively communicating
her feelings to her husband, and he can
take responsibility for his actions and
hopefully stop his behavior.
If she does this on a consistent basis, there
will be no making a mountain out of a molehill,
no overreacting to his bipolar behavior, and no
divorce on the horizon - they will have good
communication, and they will get along.
How are you getting along with your loved one?
Are you fighting during their manic episodes?
Are you feeling like the woman at the support
group and wanting to divorce your loved one?
Do you think if you tried this method it might
help you?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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