Are You Ashamed of Your Loved One With Bipolar?
Published: Tue, 01/04/11
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope things are going good
for you.
You know I work out at the gym
a lot, right?
Well, I was working out the other
day and there was this new guy there.
We started talking, and he asked me
what I do.
So I told him about the work I do with
people who have bipolar disorder and
their supporters.
He started sharing about him and his
wife.
This happens to me all the time when
I tell people what I do - they just open
up to me and tell me about themselves
and their situations, so I wasn't surprised.
I just listened.
He told me that he has bipolar disorder
and that he thought his wife was ashamed
of him.
He said he thought this because whenever
she had an office gathering, she wouldn't
take him or if she had plans with friends
she wouldn't include him either, and he
felt left out.
There were even times when she would
go to visit her family that she would leave
him behind, which made him feel worse.
I asked him if he had talked to his wife
about how he felt, but he said he didn't
know how to tell her how he felt, that
he was embarrassed.
He said that even he didn't tell people
that he had bipolar disorder, because
he was afraid they would think he was
crazy or look at him funny or think of
him as different and treat him different,
so he just kept it to himself.
He wasn't blaming his wife, he said,
but still, he felt like she was treating him
like these other people would treat him,
and he thought she must be ashamed of
him.
He asked me what I thought.
At first I didn't know what to say.
I mean, what could I say? I really only
had one side of the story, after all.
But I told him that sometimes a supporter
can feel that way, and the only way to
know for sure is to talk to her to find
out the truth.
I encouraged him to share his thoughts
and feelings with his wife, because she
really needed to know, and they needed
to talk about it, especially if it was true.
In my courses/systems, I talk about how
important good communication is
between survivor and supporter:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
What about you?
Are you ashamed of your loved one?
Do you exclude them from some of your
outside activities, even family gatherings,
because you're afraid they might go into
a bipolar episode?
Would it help if I told you that, on
average, a person with bipolar disorder
only has 4 to 5 full-blown episodes in
their lifetime?
If you're looking for episodes around
every corner, you might be doing your
loved one an injustice.
If you are rearranging your life and
social activities around expected bipolar
behavior that may or may not happen,
you're not being fair to your loved one.
On the other hand, if your loved one
is experiencing bipolar behaviors and
mood swings more often than is normal,
it may mean that they need a medication
adjustment, and they should see their
psychiatrist.
For the most part, despite the bipolar
disorder, you should both be able to
live relatively normal lives.
You should be able to attend social
functions without the fear of a bipolar
episode, or something triggering bipolar
symptoms or behavior.
If your loved one is following a good
treatment plan, taking their medication
religiously, sleeping properly, seeing
their medical and mental health professionals
on a regular basis and doing all the things
they need to do to stay stable, there is no
reason they can't be included in the things
that you do.
Are you feeling ashamed of your loved
one because of their bipolar disorder?
Have you tried to talk to them about this?
Maybe it's time for a good heart to heart.
If you haven't talked to them about it, they
may be feeling like the man in the gym is
feeling.
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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