Bipolar Supporter, What Would You Say?
Published: Sat, 02/05/11
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're having a good
day.
I got this response to one of
my blog posts, and wanted to
share it with you to get your
comments on it.
Eric says:
"Hello,question for you,my wife
has been diagnosed with bipolar,
I suffer from extreme depression
and anxity and fibromyalgia,How
can I be an effective supporter to
her when I have my own issues to
deal with.I love my wife with all
my heart,but she thinks i should be
able to focus on her issues 24-7
when its hard enough for me to
concentrate on just getting out of
bed because i hurt so much and face
a day i know is going to be hard, I
would die for my wife but I just dont
know what to do at this point any
suggestions HELP!!!!!!!!!! Eric
------------------------------------------------
First of all, it makes things more
difficult when both of you suffer
from depression.
Then, his physical condition complicates
things even further.
It sounds to me like he feels he
can't share his feelings with his
wife, and might need to be
reminded that she is not a mind-
reader - she only knows what he
tells her.
I know that may sound harsh and
non-understanding, but think about
it -
She could be totally unaware of
how he feels (physically and
emotionally) if he doesn't tell her.
Too often, supporters of a loved
one with bipolar disorder keep
their thoughts and feelings to
themselves and don't share them
with their loved one.
This can lead to negative feelings
on the part of the supporter,
because they just "stuff" their
feelings, and when you do that,
they will eventually overflow and
come out in some way, like getting
angry and fighting.
At least that's what I warn you
against in my courses/systems.
You need to tell your loved one
what you are feeling, in a way
that they can understand.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Eric asks how he can be an effective
supporter when he has his own issues
to deal with.
First of all, there is neither a simple
nor an easy answer to that.
I do commend him for wanting to
be a good supporter in spite of what
he is facing, though.
But unless and until he learns to
deal with his own problems, the
truth is that he can't be a good
supporter to his wife and her
problems.
He just won't have enough
energy, both mentally and
physically.
I'm always telling supporters to
take care of themselves first,
or they won't be any good to
their loved ones.
This is true, but you still need
to communicate well with them.
You can't expect them to
understand what you don't
explain.
If you are feeling resentful,
as it sounds like Eric is, you
need to find a way to share this
with your loved one, in a loving
and non-threatening way.
I'm sure Eric is a good supporter
most of the time.
But he could say to his wife
something like, "I love you, but
I'm afraid I can't see to your
needs right now because I'm
dealing with my own."
And then share what he is
going through, because she
should be his supporter as well,
and might just need a little
direction.
What do you think?
What would you say to this
man?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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