Bipolar Disorder and Anger
Published: Sun, 02/27/11
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're having a good day.
I know that anger is a huge problem
for people dealing with bipolar disorder.
How do I know?
Not just because I'm a supporter myself
or because my mom has it, but because
I get TONS of emails on just this subject.
You wouldn't believe how many people
are dealing with anger these days -
Whether they have bipolar disorder or not.
(Well, yes you would, because you're
probably one of them.)
That's the reason why, in my courses/systems,
I have whole sections devoted just to anger
management:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Well, Robert Allan PhD, clinical assistant
professor of psychiatry at the New York-
Presbyterian Hospital, wrote a whole book on
anger, called "Getting Control of Your Anger."
In Dr. Allan's book, he talks about a 3-step
process for taming rage:
1. Identify the hook (trigger) that feeds
your anger.
In other words, he says that just by knowing
that there is a trigger that sets your anger off
can be liberating in itself.
It's the first step toward changing your reaction
to your anger and not allowing yourself to
directly express that anger by yelling or getting
physical.
2. Step back or remove yourself
from the situation causing your
anger.
By doing this, you can figure out WHY you
need the anger. Then you can try some relaxation
or deep-breathing exercises to try to get back
some of your self-control.
He also suggests developing an OBSERVING
self, a mini-version of yourself who you visualize
sitting on your shoulder viewing the big picture
and warning you not to take the anger bait (hook
or trigger).
Kind of reminds me of the old cartoon picture of
the "mini-you" angel on one shoulder and the "mini-
you" devil on the other shoulder, both trying to tell
you what to do.
Dr. Allan says that when we get angry, the feeling
is usually fueled by the need for respect or the need
not to have our territory breached, or both.
(What about you? Do you agree with that?)
3. Fill the need without expressing
anger directly. Instead, ASK for
what you need.
Now, that last point would take a whole email in
itself to talk about!
But I'll address it here anyway.
Many people feel a need, but instead of talking
about it, go straight to the feeling behind the need,
which many times is anger.
That anger can quickly turn to rage, and they can
easily turn that rage onto the other person.
Then, instead of talking about their need, they
start a fight with the other person.
Now they're somewhere they never intended to
go in the first place.
What they should have done is ask for what they
needed instead.
If they would have done that, their need would
have been met, and they would not have ended
up in a fight.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's continue to discuss the issue of anger as it
relates to bipolar disorder.
Many times it is the supporter who is angry at
their loved one.
They don't mean to be.
They certainly don't want to be.
It just somehow happened as a result of what
they're having to deal with.
Or something that their loved one has specifically
done.
Here's a good example:
Mary's husband Jack has bipolar disorder.
Whenever Jack goes into a manic episode, he
lies to Mary. When Mary confronts Jack about
it, he denies it.
Maybe Mary would be able to take it if she could
understand why he lies, but when he denies it, it
really makes her mad; actually, it makes her even
madder because this she really doesn't understand.
It makes her so mad because she thinks Jack is lying
on purpose just to get to her. She doesn't believe
him when he says it's just part of his bipolar disorder.
This has led to real problems in their marriage.
Jack tries to defend himself, but by now Mary is so
angry, there isn't even any talking about it - she
just won't listen to him.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I wish I could say that this is the exception rather
than the rule but, unfortunately, it isn't.
I know too many angry supporters.
What do you think?
Do you agree or disagree with me?
Are you angry? Why?
How do YOU handle YOUR anger?
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL HERE
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarsupporterblog/bipolar-disorder-and-anger/comment-page-1/#comment-23298
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter
Want your own copy of these daily bipolar
emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Bipolar Disorder
Don't forget to take a look through the
different programs I've put together... each
one is designed to help you with a different
area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or
you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
View Past Daily Bipolar Emails For F.REE
Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
Get Audio Information On Bipolar Disorder For F.REE
Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can't learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com