Bipolar Supporter? You Better Not Do This
Published: Sun, 06/26/11
Hi ,
How are you today?
I hope you're doing ok.
I recently heard a story about a
woman whose husband was an
alcoholic. And she was frustrated
(and all sorts of other negative feelings)
because of it.
The biggest thing she felt, though,
was anger and resentment toward
him because she had to keep "covering
up" for his behavior.
He would do something when he
was drunk, and she would have to
"bail" him out of it.
In fact, one time she actually did.
She had to bail him out of jail after
he got a DUI - drinking and driving.
But she would constantly make excuses
for his behavior.
If he was hungover and couldn't go
into work that day, she would call his
boss and make up some excuse for him.
If he was drunk at a family gathering or
something, her "cover up" (excuse) was
usually that he was "just tired."
She even made excuses to herself, to
justify her husband's behavior.
"He's just been stressed out," she would
think.
She was even afraid that she might
have something to with the reason
why he drank, so she made more excuses.
He squandered away so much money
on a gambling spree when he was drunk
one time, that his wife had had enough.
She stopped covering up for him, and she
wouldn't even stand for his own excuse
for it.
It had gotten to the point where she told
him he needed to take responsibility for his
own actions and the consequences of those
actions.
For example, she told him that if he ever
got arrested for drunk driving again, that
she would NOT bail him out.
In other words, she set a boundary.
Now she just has to stick with it - if it does,
indeed , happen, she can NOT bail him out
of jail, even if she wants to, or else he will
keep repeating the bad behavior.
Well, eventually things got worse, and she
stopped covering up for him at work, so he
lost his job.
Their relationship suffered so greatly that even
her self-excuse that maybe she had something
to do with his drinking didn't hold water for her
anymore.
She tried to get him to take responsibility for
himself and to go get help, but he refused.
Finally, this woman left her husband.
----------------------------------------------------------------
In my courses/systems, I talk about how
your loved one needs to accept responsibility
for their behavior and consequences when
they're in an episode.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But you might be asking what this story
about the alcoholic has to do with bipolar
disorder.
Or else you've seen the parallel between
this woman's story and your own.
When someone with bipolar disorder is
unstable, they can act just like this
alcoholic man.
They can go into a manic episode and
do all sorts of things, leaving you to
clean up the mess behind them.
You better not do this!
If you keep making excuses for your
loved one's bipolar behavior, you may
end up like the woman in the story.
Your loved one needs to learn to take
responsibility for themselves, their
actions (in or out of an episode), and
the consequences of those actions.
What if your loved one gets arrested
during a manic episode (for speeding,
or shoplifting).
What would you do?
The first time, bail them out, probably.
But what if it happens again?
It would be just like the wife of the alcoholic.
Sometimes, the only way your loved one
will take responsibility is if you make them.
If you are not there to bail them out.
If you stop making excuses (or covering up)
for them.
If you set boundaries and limits, and stick
to them.
If you make them pay their own consequences.
Can you relate to the story of the woman
with the alcoholic husband?
Have you been covering up for your loved
one, or making excuses for them?
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL BELOW
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarsupporterblog/bipolar-supporter-you-better-not-do-this/comment-page-1/#comment-26761
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter
Want your own copy of these daily bipolar
emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Bipolar Disorder
Don't forget to take a look through the
different programs I've put together... each
one is designed to help you with a different
area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or
you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com
View Past Daily Bipolar Emails For F.REE
Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
Get Audio Information On Bipolar Disorder For F.REE
Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can't learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com