Bipolar? Living with the Big D
Published: Sun, 09/25/11
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're doing well.
This is an excerpt that actually
comes from Alcoholics Anonymous,
but I think you will be able to
relate to it:
"...unless I accept life completely
on life's terms, I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
on what needs to be changed in
the world as on what needs to be
changed in me and my attitudes."
-----------------------------------------------------
Today I want to talk about living
with the big D:
DISAPPOINTMENT
Disappointment is very common
not only in life in general, but in
bipolar disorder specifically.
And learning how to deal with it
is important, which is why I talk
about it in my courses/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Here's another excerpt to illustrate
what I'm talking about:
"When I am disturbed, it is because
I find some person, place, thing or
situation - some fact of my life -
unacceptable to me, and I can find
no serenity until I accept that person,
place, thing or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be
at this moment."
-------------------------------------------------
What both excerpts are talking about
is accepting things the way they are
instead of the way you'd like them to
be.
And that's where I hear a lot of
complaints at some of the support
groups I attend.
Sometimes I hear more griping
about the supporter's loved one
than anything else.
DISAPPOINTMENT
It runs rampant in trying to help
someone with bipolar disorder.
You might even be disappointed
in yourself, thinking you could do
better.
Or be a better supporter.
Maybe because your loved one
isn't as far along in their stability
as you think they should be.
But bipolar disorder is funny that
way.
Stability with bipolar disorder
doesn't happen overnight.
There are bound to be disappointments
on the way.
You have to work very hard for
it, do the things you need to do
for it.
And that may include, like the
excerpt said, "...accept life
completely on life's terms."
In my courses/systems, I also talk
about how there are some things
over which you have control,
but others over which you have
no control.
That's just the way it is.
You might not be able to control
the people, places, things and
situations around you, but you
CAN control your reaction to them.
DISAPPOINTMENT
Is that what you feel sometimes?
If you do, first understand that
this is normal for a supporter to
feel.
Your loved one might go into an
episode, and that will bring on
disappointment, because you may
have been under the misconception
that they would never have another
one.
But if you accept that they will have
another bipolar episode at some
point, and you plan for that, you can
avoid this disappointment.
Don't expect your loved one to be
able to be perfectly stable, because
that is unrealistic.
Nobody is perfect, and no one with
bipolar disorder can have perfect
stability.
There will still be ups and downs.
But, hopefully, gradually there will
be more ups than downs.
If you "accept life on life's terms,"
however, things will go much
easier for you.
If you concentrate more on what
needs to be changed in you and your
attitudes rather than your loved one,
that also will go much easier for you.
Are you feeling disappointed?
Have you felt disappointed in the
past? About what?
How did you deal with it?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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