Bipolar? What is More Important?
Published: Tue, 12/06/11
Hi ,
How are you today?
I hope you're having a good day.
I recently was asked the question,
"Which is more important, to be
right or to be happy?"
A friend of mine was talking to
me about his relationship with
his girlfriend.
They keep getting into these
fights, and he doesn't understand
why.
A small misunderstanding can
turn into the biggest fight!
So he was telling me about some
of the things they have fought
over, and you know what?
I agree with him!
I wouldn't understand how it
happened, either.
Except for one thing.
I know this guy.
I know that he LOVES to be
right.
And sometimes, if he disagrees
with you, he won't stop trying
to make you admit you're
wrong (whether you really are
or not) and give in to him.
So I can definitely see how
there might be communication
problems with his girlfriend
and why they would fight
so much.
In my courses/systems below,
I talk about how important it is
to have good communication
when you're dealing with bipolar
disorder:
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So he asks me, "Which is more
important - to be right or to be
happy?"
Hmmm....
I had to think about that one
for about 2 seconds!
I know a couple who dealt
with this same problem, only
BOTH of them have bipolar
disorder, so it was even harder
for them.
So they had to come up with
something to "fix" their communication
because they were fighting all the
time, many times because neither
would give in.
Each of them firmly believed that
they were right.
So what do you do in that
situation?
This is what they did:
AGREE TO DISAGREE
They both decided it was better
to be happy than to be right.
She even teases him and says
things like, "Ok, you can be
right this time!" LOL
Agreeing to disagree is all
about compromise.
If you still feel you have to be
right, and/or you won't stop until
the other person "gives in," like
my friend, then you are not going
to have good communication.
And neither of you is going to
be very happy.
Whereas, if you agree to disagree,
you can each maintain your feeling
that you are right, but you compromise
anyway.
This is really important in any
relationship, not just one in which one
of the people has bipolar disorder.
How would you answer this question
if I asked you, "Which is more
important - to be right or to be
happy?"
I think when it's written out in black
and white like that, the answer is
obvious.
But an unwillingness to compromise,
or AGREE TO DISAGREE, is the
reason that many people in bipolar
relationships fight so often.
If you agree to disagree, you are
showing respect to the other person,
and basically telling them that you
acknowledge that they have a right
to believe what they believe and/or
feel what they feel.
Which is more important to you?
Do you see how AGREE TO
DISAGREE can be such an important
part to good communication?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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