Bipolar: Don’t Do This To Yourself
Published: Tue, 10/16/12
Hi ,
How's your day going for you today?
I hope it's going very well.
I got this email from a supporter the other
day and I thought I'd share it with you because
I have some thoughts on it for you:
"Dave, I thought I was a good supporter, and I try
to do the things you tell me to do in your emails,
but my husband keeps going into episodes anyway.
When I try to help him, he just gets mad at me, and
we end up fighting. I think I'm doing the right things,
but he won't even listen to me. I'm so sad and frustrated.
I just don't know what else to do. I know it's all my
fault. I must be the worst supporter in the world.
Deborah"
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I've gotten many emails like this from supporters who feel
just like Deborah.
Maybe you feel like her, too.
If so, just know that you're not alone.
Now, I'm not a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or
anyone like that, but I know how she feels, because I
went through it with my mom.
I experienced all those feelings, too, and I didn't know
what to do.
Until I developed my courses/systems, other supporters
didn't know what to do, either.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But let me address Deborah's email directly,
since so many supporters are going through
the same thing that she is.
The biggest thing I sense here is GUILT.
And that is very common.
And what I have to say to that is:
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
You could be the ace, #1, absolutely BEST
supporter in the world, but if your loved one
refuses to do what they're supposed to do for
their OWN stability, then nothing you do is going
to change that.
Again, it is NOT your fault.
It has nothing to do with you.
It is THEIR problem, and not yours.
Now, Deborah says that she follows what I say
in my emails for supporters.
But I also write emails for people who have bipolar
disorder.
And if her husband was doing what I told him to
do in my emails to him, he would be listening to her,
he would be doing what he needs to be stable, he
wouldn't be fighting with her, and he sure wouldn't
be going into episodes, now would he?
It sounds like Deborah is trying to do all the right
things.
She is trying to help her husband.
She is trying to be supportive.
She is trying to get her husband to do the things he
should do to stay stable.
But you can't force someone to do something that
they don't want to do.
That's where her frustration and sadness are coming
from.
But here's the most important thing (and I hear this
from so many supporters):
Deborah is BLAMING herself for her husband's bad
bipolar behavior and lack of stability.
You can tell, when she says, "It's all my fault."
Well, I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but it sure
doesn't seem like it to me!
It seems to me like she's trying everything she can to be
supportive to her husband.
How is it her fault that he won't listen to her and won't
let her help him?
He is an adult, and makes his own choices.
He can choose to let her help him or not.
He can choose to listen to her or not.
He can choose to be stable or not.
It is NOT her fault if he makes the wrong choices.
"I must be the worst supporter in the world," she says.
But the very fact that she reached out to me and sent me
that email proves that she isn't!
The fact that she is asking for help for her and her
husband proves that she isn't!
What do you think?
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Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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