Bipolar: Stopping Unwanted Behavior
Published: Sun, 01/13/13
Hi ,
How are things going for you?
I hope you're having a good day today.
I was talking to this supporter the other day, and
he shared some feelings with me that I wanted to
share with you, because you might be feeling the
same way.
He said:
"I'm sick and tired of everything I read and everywhere
I hear telling me that my wife's behavior is not her
fault just because she's got bipolar disorder. I think
that's just an excuse for unacceptable behavior. I'm
not saying it's her fault, necessarily, but I do think she
needs to take responsibility for her behavior, for her
actions. I don't think I should just lie down and take
it just because she's got bipolar disorder."
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I think he brings up a good point.
Should you have to just "take" your loved one's behavior
"lying down" just because they've got bipolar disorder
and not do anything about it?
Maybe you feel like this man does, like your loved one is
"getting away with it" if you do.
Well...
I agree that your loved one should take responsibility
for their behavior.
I talk about this in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I think that bipolar disorder does have something to do
with their behavior, like with the impulsivity, for
example.
But I also think at some point they can make choices
about their behavior.
And I believe this because I did an interview one time
with a woman who has bipolar disorder, and she told
me so.
She said that when she was in a manic episode it was
like she knew that her behavior was wrong, she just
didn't care.
She said she just kept making bad choices.
That tells me that there is an element of choice involved
there somewhere.
And that your loved one can take responsibility for their
behavior and their actions and not just use their bipolar
disorder as an excuse for them.
Here's an example of how someone was able to do that:
There's a man whose wife has bipolar disorder.
And when she goes into a manic episode, she spends
money like it's going out of style.
He wanted his wife to start taking responsibility for her
behavior, so he told her if she did it again, he would take
away all her money, and she wouldn't be able to buy
anything anymore.
So guess what?
The next time she spent money excessively, he took
away all her money.
And she wasn't able to buy anything.
At first she complained about it...
And her husband explained over and over that it
was because of her behavior that it had happened,
and a choice she had made to spend the money.
He reminded her that she needed to take responsibility
for her behavior.
After a few times, she stopped spending money excessively,
because she didn't want all her money taken away from
her.
Here's another example:
There was a woman whose husband would fly into
really bad rages because of his bipolar disorder.
She told him that every time he went into a rage,
that she was just going to ignore him, because she
wanted him to take responsibility for his behavior.
The next time he flew into a rage, she completely
ignored him.
And the next time.
And the time after that.
Eventually her husband took responsibility for his
behavior and stopped going into rages and talked
to her about his feelings of anger instead.
You see...
The bipolar disorder may cause your loved one to
initially start the unwanted behavior...
But if they don't like or want the consequences
associated with that behavior, they can stop the
behavior.
What do you think?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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