Bipolar: Do You Use This Word Too Much?
Published: Tue, 04/30/13
Hi,
How are you doing today?
I hope you're doing good.
Do you know anyone like this?
Every time you ask them how they're doing,
they always say, "Fine."
Or could you be one of those people who
always answers, "Fine," no matter how you're
feeling?
Do you or your loved one maybe use this word
too much?
Using "Fine" all the time is a cop-out.
You're not being honest.
No one is "Fine" ALL the time!
You need to look at why you aren't being honest
about how you feel.
Like in my courses/systems, I talk about the
negative feelings you can feel as a supporter (and
that it's normal to feel them):
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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What if you're NOT fine?
Do you just stuff your feelings, or are you
honest about them and tell someone?
Stuffing feelings can lead to negative consequences.
For example:
People who get angry a lot, but keep it in, can
get ulcers.
Do you ever see people like that?
They get all red in the face, and pop antacids
like they're candy.
You don't want to be like that.
Your loved one or, specifically, their behavior,
may make you angry, but you can't just stuff
those feelings or, before long, you'll be popping
antacids, too.
You need to have good communication with your
loved one and be able to tell them how you're feeling.
Of course, you don't want to tell them in such a
way as it makes them angry, either.
There are ways to state your feelings, and then
there are ways not to.
For example:
You want to keep blame out of the picture.
Divorce yourself from the notion that your anger
is your loved one's fault.
Take responsibility for your own feelings.
If you can't talk to your loved one about it in a
way that won't start a fight, try writing your
feelings in a journal.
If you need to, if things get bad enough, find your
own therapist.
There is nothing that says that a supporter cannot
have their own therapist!
I knew a couple who both saw the same therapist
(but at different times), and this worked for them.
Occasionally, they both went in together, and the
therapist helped them air their grievances without
anger.
You might want to do that as well.
The main point is that you can't just stuff your
feelings, as eventually it will make you sick.
Many supporters report headaches and body aches,
and this could be from the stress of holding in your
feelings.
The worst time to share your feelings with your
loved one is when they are showing signs and
symptoms of a bipolar episode, as they will tend
to be more self-centered, and not care about your
feelings.
The tone of your voice is also important when
telling your loved one your feelings.
You want to come off as concerned and sympathetic,
rather than angry (even if the feeling you're talking
about is anger), and calm.
Use a soothing (but not patronizing) tone when
speaking to your loved one and you will see that you
get better results.
Your body language is also important when sharing
your feelings with your loved one.
You don't want to have an aggressive stance, for
example (such as pointing a finger at them).
What do you think?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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