Bipolar: The Hardest Part for Most of Us
Published: Wed, 02/05/14
Hi,
How's it going for you today?
I hope it's a good day for you.
Are you familiar with The Serenity Prayer?
It goes like this:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
----------------------------------------------------
Well, today I'd like to talk about the "accept
the things I cannot change" part.
This is probably the hardest part for most of us
to do, especially when dealing with a loved one
who has bipolar disorder.
It's natural for us to want to change things we
do not like, or the way things are going if we
don't like them, or to even want to change our
loved ones if we don't like the way they are acting.
The problem is, we can't do any of that.
We especially cannot change our loved ones,
because you can't change another person - they
have to change themselves.
That's one of the things I talk about in my courses/
systems - that you can't change your loved one
(no matter how much you would like to sometimes).
Only they can change themselves.
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It's trying to change the things you CAN'T
change that leads to stress and anxiety,
which are bad for you.
They are even worse for your loved one,
Because if they try to change things that they
can't change and they experience stress and
anxiety over it, this can even lead to depression,
which can lead to a bipolar episode for them.
So both of you need to learn to accept the things
you cannot change.
Because for both of you, stress and anxiety can
be bad.
So how do you do that (accept the things you
cannot change)? Especially when it comes to
your loved one and their bipolar disorder?
First, let's look at some truths about change.
There are some things you CAN change, but there
are other things you CAN'T change.
You can't change other people. It's up to them
to change themselves. And that's only if
they want to - you can't do it for them.
You can't always change the situation around
you (although sometimes you can, and I'll
talk about that in a minute).
You can't change the world, as much as you
might like to sometimes.
You can't change the place you're in, usually.
Especially in this economy. Most of us are
lucky to be holding on to our homes these
days, and couldn't afford another house
even if we wanted to.
You can't change things. Things just are the
way they are.
For example, you just can't change the fact
that your loved one has bipolar disorder.
It's just a fact. You may not like it, but you
also can't change it.
The only thing you can do about things you
can't change is to accept them.
A friend of mine told me this quote from one
of her daily readings, and I think it applies here:
"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems
today. When I am disturbed, it is because
I find some person, place, thing, or situation -
some fact of my life - unacceptable to me,
and I can find no serenity until I accept that
person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at
this moment."
I think that's what it's all about.
Finding serenity, or peace of mind, in
whatever situation you're in.
In other words, accepting what you can't
change.
If you can come to the place where you
can accept that your loved one has bipolar
disorder and you can't change that fact, then
you can do something about it -
You can start learning how to manage it.
Remember the old expression, "If life gives
you lemons, make lemonade?"
Well, this is sort of the same thing.
You can work with what you have, if you
accept it.
If you don't, it won't get you anywhere, anyway.
And it might make you sick, trying to change
what you can't change, getting all stressed
out.
And that is something you DON'T want!
For a supporter, maybe stress won't put you into
a bipolar episode like it might your loved one, but
the stress can make you not as good a supporter
as you can be, if you don't accept the things you
can't change.
The main point I'm trying to make is to accept the
things you can't change, and work with the things
you CAN change, and you'll be much more able to
be the supporter you want (and need) to be.
What do you think?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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