Bipolar: Reinforcing Negative Bipolar Behavior – Stop It!
Published: Wed, 02/19/14
Hi,
How's it going for you today?
I hope you are doing well.
It's obvious that things like a heart attack or stroke
would be considered a trauma, wouldn't you
agree?
Well, experts liken the following things to
trauma level as well:
- Change in job
- Marriage
- Divorce
- Having a baby
- Graduating from school
- Buying a house
- Getting a new car
- Moving
- Having an operation
It's easy to see how these things might be
considered so, when you think of it in light of the
fact that they are all major changes in a person's
life.
But the reason they consider these things actual
traumas is that they elicit physical responses in
people - remember the old "fight or flight"
response? Well, it's something like that.
They can bring about high anxiety or nervousness,
and high amounts of stress in a person's life.
In my courses/systems, I talk about how high
amounts of stress over even a short period of time
can bring on bipolar episodes and acting out
behavior in a person with bipolar disorder:
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When facing something like a trauma, like one
of the things I listed above, or any major change,
your loved one may experience an actual bipolar
episode.
If they do, they may start taking things out on
you, just because you are the person closest at
hand.
Believe it or not, they may treat you poorly because
they trust you so much.
I know that it sounds like a contradiction, but it's
true.
It could also be because you've accepted this
behavior in the past, so they feel that they can
do it again and get away with it.
If you have let them get away with poor treatment
of you in the past, they have no reason to believe
that you won't accept it in the future.
It doesn't even have to go that far...
For example, it could be anything to get their
way.
Say your loved one doesn't get their way.
So they pick a fight with you.
And you give in...
So they get what they want.
This way they learn that every time things
don't go their way...
All they have to do is fight with you...
And they will get what they want.
All you've done is reinforce their negative
behavior, whether you meant to do it or not.
I'm sure you don't like this.
You probably want this to stop.
So what can you do about it?
Well, stop it, of course!
But how?
Well, you need to set limits.
And you need to establish consequences
for poor behavior.
Then you need to be consistent in meting out
those consequences if your loved one breaks
the limits you have set.
It's almost like dealing with a child.
What did your parents do when you were a child
and you threw a tantrum?
Well, for certain you didn't get what you wanted.
In other words, they set a limit.
Then you probably either got spanked, or they
just ignored you (didn't reinforce your negative
behavior).
In other words, you paid a consequence for breaking
the limit they set.
You need to do the same thing with your loved
one.
Say you want them to stop fighting with you and
getting their own way.
So you might say something to them like:
"I love you, but if you insist on fighting with me every
time you don't get your own way, I'm going to ignore
you when you do that."
You have established a limit (their fighting)...
And a consequence of their behavior (you will ignore
them).
You could even make sure they understand what
will happen if they do it again by having them
repeat it back to you.
Then comes the crucial part.
The very next time they fight with you...
You MUST ignore them!
And you must do it every single time they fight
with you, until they stop the behavior.
When they see that this no longer works, believe
me, they will stop doing it.
What do you think?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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