Bipolar: Looking for Perfection? DON’T!
Published: Wed, 02/12/14
Hi,
How's are things going for you today?
I hope they are going well.
You know I attend several bipolar
supporter support groups, right?
Well, at one certain group there is this one
woman who sort of stands out because she
always participates - she always has something
to share, and she always attends the meetings.
Well, for awhile there, I noticed that she wasn't
at the meetings.
I didn't say anything about it for some time, I
just sort of kept it to myself, but I wondered
about it.
Then after some time when I noticed that this
woman didn't come back, I asked someone about
it, if they knew what happened to her, about why
she had stopped coming to the meetings.
The person told me, (because they were close to
her, they knew) that she had tried to be the perfect
supporter, and one day she just sort of broke, and
ended up in the hospital with a sort of nervous
breakdown, that all the stress had gotten to her.
Wow.
I was pretty shook up by this.
It was hard for me to believe about this woman,
because she always seemed to be so together to
me, you know?
She was the last person I would think would succumb
to the stress and have a nervous breakdown (that was
what this person called it).
I just assumed, like everyone else, that she could
handle everything.
It made me think that I better write to you and warn
you:
Don't try to be the perfect supporter.
No one can be, no matter how much they try.
That's one of the things I teach in my courses/
systems.
I tell you to just be the best supporter you can
be, and that's all -
That's all that you should expect from yourself.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
If your loved one expects more from you than
that, then you need to have a talk with them.
No one should expect more from you than you
expect from yourself.
And, in the same vein, you shouldn't expect more
from yourself than anyone else expects from you,
either.
Stop trying to be the perfect supporter.
No one is perfect.
If you're trying your best, well, that's all anyone
expects from you.
If you're overextending yourself and doing for your
loved one things that they can do for themselves,
that isn't healthy.
In fact, that's called being codependent, something
you shouldn't be doing.
Your loved one should be becoming as independent
as they can be with their bipolar disorder.
They can appreciate you as their supporter, but
they should not be depending on you to do things
for them that they can do for themselves.
For example:
There is a difference between reminding your
loved one to take their medication and standing
over them every day making sure that they take
it.
You should be a helper, not a codependent.
In the case of codependency, you are doing too
much, and the result will be that you will stress
yourself out.
Be careful of supporter burnout.
Be sure that, although you are supporting a loved
one with bipolar disorder, that you are also taking
care of yourself, and that you are taking care of
yourself first.
If you don't take care of yourself first, how are you
going to have the energy or wherewithal to take care
of your loved one?
You need to make sure that you are balanced:
Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Take care of yourself, so that you don't end up
like the woman in my support group!
Are you experiencing supporter burnout?
Think about ways that you can take care of
yourself first.
What do you think?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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