Bipolar: Acting Like a Turkey
Published: Fri, 05/30/14
Hi,
How's it going for you today?
I hope it's a good day for you.
There are several sayings about other people
compared to you. Here are just a couple that
you may have heard:
"It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're
down here with the turkeys."
"When everyone around you is losing their
heads and you're the only one who isn't...
try not to scream and tie a knot and hang on."
Of course, there are all kinds of variations to
those sayings, and there are other ones like them
that are around that you may have heard also.
But what they all have in common is how other
people are compared to how you are.
Like that one saying says, other people may be
"losing their heads," but that doesn't mean you
have to lose yours.
Or like the other saying, you don't have to be a
"turkey" like everyone else - you can still try to
be an "eagle."
In other words, just because other people are acting
a certain way, doesn't mean that you have to.
So what does this have to do with bipolar disorder?
Think about it:
Just because your loved one is acting a certain
way, doesn't mean that you have to act that way,
too.
In my courses/systems below, I talk about
how it's their bipolar disorder that makes
them act in certain ways:
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But you don't have bipolar disorder, so
you don't have to act in those certain ways.
You can be who you are!
The thing is, when your loved one's disorder
is "acting up," and it makes them act out because
they are feeling irritable or agitated, they
usually take it out on the person closest to them,
which in this case is you.
They may pick a fight with you over nothing.
Or they may be depressed, and want you to
leave them alone, but because you are concerned
about them, you ask them to talk to you.
But they don't want to talk, so they get mad,
because they think you're interfering.
It's just their mood.
But they're taking it out on you anyway.
And you may have no control over it.
But the next thing you know, your loved
one is in this uncontrolled rage...
Yelling and screaming at you...
Calling you names...
Maybe even throwing things...
Totally out of control...
And you don't know what to do.
Maybe your first impulse is even to yell
and scream back at them.
Many supporters tell me that is the first thing
they want to do.
And I know that in my mom's case, that is what
I wanted to do many times.
It was very hard for me to hold my own temper.
And VERY hard for me to hold in the hurt
when she said things like, "I don't want you to
be my son any more."
But I had to tell myself that this wasn't my mom
talking, that this was her bipolar disorder making
her say these hurtful things.
That's what you have to do, too...
Like when your loved one calls you names...
Or anytime they get angry with you.
Because you really have no defense when they
fight with you...
Especially when the fight is just because they're
in a "bad mood."
And they're just reacting to how they feel.
That's part of their disorder.
They can't help themselves.
It may seem to you like they are overreacting.
It may even seem irrational to you.
But it seems rational to your loved one, and they
will act on it.
Like I said before, they will take out their feelings
(or their reaction to their feelings) on you, because
you are the one closest to them.
But if you "act like a turkey" just because they are,
it will prolong the fight, and you won't win it anyway -
in fact, you will just make matters worse in the long
run.
The best thing for you to do is to act like the "eagle"
that you are, and try to ignore the names that your
loved one is calling you (in spite of how much it
might hurt you)...
Stay as calm as you can...
Try to be understanding...
And try to end the fight as soon as you can.
What do you think?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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