Are You Willing to Do This

Published: Fri, 04/03/15

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Hi ,

How are things going for you today?

I hope they’re going well.

I heard a great quote recently (you know how
much I like a good quote):

"Success is not so much what we have as it
is what we are."

I think the best supporters are those who change
themselves in relation to the change in things
around them.

What I mean is that some people react to their loved
one's bipolar behavior with anger.

Others react with quiet resentment.

They stuff their feelings.

But, you know, you end up taking your frustration
out on those you love the most, and that's what
comes from stuffing your feelings.

It will just backfire on you.

So you may need to change how you communicate
with your loved one.

Anger, resentment, frustration, and stuffing your
feelings are all not going to help your situation.

So why do some people not make the necessary
changes?

Like I teach in my courses/systems, some people
just don't recognize the need to change.

They can see it in their loved one, but not in
themselves.

These people are not effective supporters,
because everyone needs to change from time to
time.


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We generally change ourselves for one of two
reasons: inspiration or desperation.

Think about that in relation to your loved one, their
bipolar disorder, and you.

If your loved one keeps getting angry and doesn't do
anything to change that, the scenario will always be the
same.

So, out of desperation, you need to change how you
deal with their anger.

In other words, you can't change your loved one, but
you can change yourself in relation to them (and their
behavior).

That's changing out of desperation.

You really don't have a choice if your loved one
refuses to change.

Or you might be inspired to change.

Change makes you a better person, much less a
better supporter.

It's when you change for yourself and nobody else.

For example, to keep yourself from getting stressed
out over your loved one's behavior, you might learn
stress reduction techniques.

That's changing something, and helping you to be a
better person and supporter.

Or practicing relaxation exercises to help you cope
with things, that's another example.

What you need to do is first look at the methods you're
currently using to deal with your loved one and their
bipolar behavior.

Then ask yourself if they are effective or not effective.

If they are effective, then you don't need to change.

But if they aren't effective, then you do need to
change.

It's kind of like filling in a puzzle.

And if something you're trying isn't working, you
look for another way (another piece to the puzzle).

But you also have to have a willingness to change –

Not just blame things on your loved one.

Change is what brings success.

So there can be success with bipolar disorder.

As long as there is a willingness to change.

You can’t expect your loved one to change if you are
not first willing to change yourself.

Do you want your loved one to change?

Are you willing to change?



What do you think?


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Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

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