Supporting a Bipolar Spouse
Published: Sun, 06/12/16
Hi ,
How are you doing today?
I hope you’re doing great.
I got this email the other day that I wanted to
share with you, even though it’s on a sensitive
topic:
“Dear Dave:
I love my husband very much, even though he
has bipolar disorder. But we have a big problem.
He just isn’t interested in sex any more. I don’t
know why. Sometimes I worry that it’s me. But
someone told me it’s probably the bipolar disorder,
like maybe it’s because of his medication. Have
you run into this problem before? What do you
think about it?”
-------------------------------------------------------------
There are many issues that arise in supporting
a bipolar spouse that are different than if you
were just supporting a family member; issues
such as physical intimacy, like this woman
writes about in this email.
Your spouse may have lost their sex drive due
to the medication they are on.
They could have lost it due to their bipolar
depression.
Or they could even have lost it due to self-
esteem issues because of weight gain from
their medication.
These are just some of the reasons why your
loved one could have lost their sex drive.
There may also be reasons why you may
have lost sexual desire for your spouse,
such as:
• They don’t take care of themselves
(i.e., grooming) like they used to.
• They have gained a lot of weight
from their medication.
• Their bipolar disorder itself is a turn-
off.
• They can’t reach orgasm during
sexual intercourse.
• You have trouble seeing them as a
mate; they seem more like your child
more often than not.
• You have problems because they
cheated on you during a manic
episode.
• Your sexual advances are always
met with rejection, so you’ve given
up trying.
These are some of the reasons why you and your
spouse may be having intimacy problems.
I talk about this issue in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
One of the biggest points I just made is the
one about having trouble seeing your spouse
as your mate because they seem more like
your child more often than not.
This could be because you’ve fallen into a
caretaking role instead of a supporter role.
Maybe when you married them they didn’t
have bipolar disorder, or at least they weren’t
diagnosed yet.
You entered into this relationship as most
couples do – as partners.
However, your roles changed as your spouse
became ill, and you became more of a caretaker.
If you find that you’ve become the caretaker,
ask yourself the following questions:
• Do you really need to be doing all that
you do for your partner? Are there things
that you do that they could do for them-
selves but you don’t give them a chance
to do?
• Is this a role you tend to assume in
relationships? If so, what about the role is
fulfilling for you? Are there other ways that
you can meet these needs, ones that might
be better for you and for your relationships?
• What does your partner do that elicits your
caregiving behavior? How can you respond
to these signals other than by “taking over?”
• If your partner does require some degree of
care, are other resources (individuals,
organizations, facilities, etc.) available, or
that could be made available, that could help
out and lighten your load?
• How can you help your partner be more
independent? What skills can they develop
that will enable them to do more on their own?
How can you support the development of these
skills?
• What do you do to take care of your needs?
If your spouse is very ill at times, understandably
you will have to take on the role of caretaker
during those periods.
Just be sure that you don’t extend this level of
assistance beyond what is necessary – in other
words, know when to go back to your supporter
role.
What do you think?
POST RESPONSES BELOW
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarsupporterblog/supporting-a-bipolar-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-1373444
Your Friend,
Dave
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