Bipolar Supporter? You MUST Take This Seriously
Published: Wed, 06/03/09
Hi ,
Hope you are having a great day.
I have something interesting for
you.
I saw a post on my blog from Mona.
She said:
"I have a question, Dave, if that's
alright. BTW, I do agree with you
on the 'baby steps' concept. My
question is this: Can you tell me
what kind of responses might come
from a person with bipolar if they
are trying to repair a relationship
(from a bad episode) and the person
does not want to have anything to
do with them (because of what
happened)? Could that trigger a
suicidal response? (Or some sort
of retaliation?) And if so, how can
a support person help their bipolar
loved one get through such harsh
reality, or how can they help prevent
such a response?"
---------------------------------------------
Well, first of all, like I always say,
I'm not a doctor, therapist, or any
other kind of medical or mental
health professional, so I can't give
that kind of advice.
I can only give my opinion, based
on my experience.
But I will tell you, this is not the first
email I've gotten like this.
And Mona does bring up quite a few
points.
Many times, a person with bipolar
disorder will do things during a
bipolar episode (especially during
a manic episode) that has consequences
to it.
And sometimes these consequences
are bad ones, and it's hard for their
supporter to handle them, or even
to forgive them for what they did
during the episode.
There may have been risky sexual
behavior, or even an affair.
There may have been excessive
spending, or poor business decisions,
that may have affected (or even
drained) the family's finances.
There may have been other things
that happened as well that hurt the
relationship.
The supporter may have some
negative feelings, like hurt, anger,
resentment, etc.
Then these things might cause some
real damage to the relationship.
Even though the one with bipolar
disorder wants to repair the relationship
after they come out of the episode,
the supporter might be reluctant to
accept these attempts.
Communication is one of the things
I stress in my courses/systems, because
that is really important in the relationship.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But if the supporter is no longer even
willing to communicate with their
loved one, then it may cause their loved
one to get worse, and they might go
into a depression.
One of the symptoms of a depressive
episode is suicidal thoughts.
If this happens, it may not be your
fault.
After a manic episode, many people
with bipolar disorder will "crash"
into a bipolar depressive episode
and have these kinds of thoughts
anyway, because their thinking is
distorted.
If this happens, they may have these
suicidal thoughts.
It's part of the depression, part of their
bipolar disorder.
You can't prevent them going into the
depression, if it's part of the crash
from their manic episode to a depressive
episode.
The only thing you can do to help them
at this point is to notice the signs of
suicide, and to try to get them the
help they need.
At this point, if you want to help them,
you will need to put your own feelings
of hurt, anger, resentment, and
unforgiveness aside.
If they are starting to talk about suicide,
you MUST take them seriously,
whether they really intend to go
through with it or not.
Try to talk to them about it. Or at least
try to get them to share their thoughts
and feelings.
This is where the communication
I was talking about earlier comes in.
Try to convince them that they need
help.
If possible, try to get them to at least
call the suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE.
Try to get them to call their doctor,
psychiatrist, and/or therapist for help.
The point is, as Mona pointed out, this
is a harsh reality that must be dealt with
if your loved one's reaction is one of
threatening suicide.
Have you ever had to deal with the type
of situation that Mona talked about?
What did you do?
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Well, I have to get to work.
Your Friend,
Dave
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