Bipolar Lesson From Grandmas Quilt
Published: Thu, 06/11/09
Hi ,
How's it going for you today?
I hope you're doing ok.
I got an email from a man named
Matthew that I need to share with you.
He wrote me:
"I know you support your mom who
has bipolar disorder, so you may not
know what it's like from the inside out,
but let me tell you, it's really tough. I
have good days, but then some days
are so bad it feels like I want to kill
myself. I mean my wife is a pretty good
supporter, but I think she loses her
patience with me a lot, because she can't
see the big picture. She only sees the
day to day, she doesn't see what I will
be after the long term. I still have a ways
to go, and I know it, but I'm really trying
hard to be the man she wants me to be,
but I also have to struggle hard with my
bipolar too, you know? And that's really
hard. The medication hs side effects
that make things hard for us as a couple
and other things. We're just not as close
as we used to be, and that makes me even
more depressed. If she could just be more
patient with me, I could maybe try harder,
if she could just see the way things will
be and hang in there with me, I don't thing
either of us would be so mad at each other
all the time, either. Has anyone else gone
through this?"
---------------------------------------------------------
The reason I wanted to share this email with
you is that I get a lot of emails just like
this one.
Matthew's problem is not unique.
It's not unusual for someone with
bipolar disorder to struggle in
the ways that he describes...
But it's also not unusual for a
supporter to struggle in the ways
that he describes, either.
One thing's for sure, living with
bipolar disorder, whether you have
it or are supporting someone who
does, is difficult at best.
Let's talk about some of the things
that he describes.
He says that his wife loses patience
with him because she only sees
the day to day him and not the
him that he will be in the long run.
Well, I'll tell you right up front
that loss of patience is only one
of the negative feelings that it's
common for a supporter to have.
Nobody's perfect.
And supporters will experience
negative feelings when dealing
with a loved one who has bipolar
disorder.
In fact, I even talk about those in
my courses/systems, and how to
deal with them.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
It's hard to, as they say, "see the
forest through the trees," when you're
right in the middle of things.
It seems like it's also hard for Matthew
to see his wife's point of view, although
he seems to be trying.
For instance, he realizes that the
side effects of his medications
are at least one of the reasons
that they are having problems.
And that is a common problem.
But they need to talk about it, and
maybe his doctor can help with that
as well.
But here's the point I want to make:
Did you ever sleep under Grandma's
quilt?
Or even have a Grandma who made
a quilt?
Even if you didn't, most people have
at least seen a homemade quilt.
So picture this:
If you look at the wrong side of the
quilt...
You see all the unmatched patches...
All the uneven stitches...
Things that look like they would
never go together in a million years,
right?
But if you turn it over, you see a
quilted "masterpiece."
You don't see any of the things you
see on the back, the errors, the
patches, the bad stitches, any of the
things it took to make that beautiful
quilt.
So all I'm saying to supporters is,
take a lesson from that quilt.
Your loved one isn't going to become
a bipolar "masterpiece" overnight.
It's going to take some time, some
mistakes, some patience, and a whole
lot of loving, just like Grandma put
into that quilt.
Of course, they will have to cooperate
as well, allowing themselves to be
"sewn," but working together, the two
of you can help your loved one to
attain and maintain the stability that
you want.
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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