Bipolar Disorder and Lying
Published: Sun, 07/19/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
Let me ask you a question:
If I lie, but I tell you it's a lie, am
I really lying?
(I guess that's a kind of If a tree falls
in the forest and there's no one around
to hear it, does it really make a sound?
kind of question, huh?)
No, but seriously, think about that
question.
Because Michele, who works for me?
One of her sons, when they were little,
actually said that to her!
Now, how do you answer that?
The reason I asked you to think about
how you would answer that question is
because I get a similar question a lot.
I get asked, "How can I tell if my loved
one is lying?"
And here's where it's similar.
Many times, in a bipolar manic episode,
your loved one may lie to you.
But the problem is, they may absolutely,
positively, believe that they're telling the
truth.
So, are they really lying?
Here's another way where it happens.
AFTER the episode.
Say, you and your loved one are talking
about a situation that happened while
your loved one was in their episode.
You were both there when it happened.
But you both remember it a little differently.
You say that it happened one way, but
your loved one absolutely swears that it
happened another way.
You say that your loved one did or said
something, but they fervently deny it.
Are they lying?
Or do they just totally NOT REMEMBER
doing or saying it?
And is that the same thing as lying?
I have interviewed some people for my
courses, and they have described this
behavior in their loved ones.
I have also interviewed parents with
children who describe this lying behavior
in their children and teenagers.
Also, in my courses, I talk about bipolar
disorder and lying, and that the person
with the disorder should not "get away
with" the behavior.
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But there's a difference between lying and
taking responsibility for what happened during
your bipolar episode, whether you remember
it or not.
That's what you really want after all, isn't it?
That's what a lot of the responses I get are
about.
There are a lot of angry supporters out there,
whose loved one tells lies, hurting them
(and others) with their lies.
And it's not even so much that they lie,
but that they get away with it.
That's what makes these supporters so
angry. That's what made me so angry
with my mom, anyway.
She would do all the yelling, manipulating,
and lying, and I would get all the blame,
and be the one left to "clean up after" her.
I hated that. And I didn't think it was fair.
It really made me angry and resentful.
And it hurt a lot. You may be feeling
hurt, too. And the worst part is that
your loved one goes along not even
knowing that they've hurt you at all!
In my research, I found that it is very
common that a person with bipolar
disorder will not remember what they
said/did when in an episode, after the
episode is over.
In my courses, I urge people to not take
it personally, and that's why.
I know it's hard to believe that your loved
one is probably not lying to you on purpose,
but ask yourself these questions:
Is not remembering what happened
during a bipolar episode the same thing
as purposely lying?
Is your loved one purposely trying to
hurt you?
Or is it part of their bipolar disorder?
The main question is this:
Is your loved one willing to take responsibility
for what they did during their episode?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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