Dealing with Bipolar? You CANNOT Be This For Your Loved One
Published: Sat, 08/01/09
Hi ,
I hope you're doing well today.
I think this is the earlier I have done
the daily email on a Saturday morning.
Someone asked me if a computer does it all.
I wish. Actually it's done manually. There is
no way to obviously write it in an automated
manner or send it.
It's me :)
Okay...
There's something I used to be for
my mother, that you absolutely
CANNOT be for your loved one.
I didn't mean to do it.
I didn't want to do it.
In fact, I wasn't even aware that
I was doing it.
My mom was taking advantage of
me in this way, and even she didn't
know it.
I sure didn't know that this was a
way she was taking advantage of
me, either.
I had the best of intentions, because
I care about my mom.
I didn't realize that what I was being
to her could actually hurt her.
But do you know what she was doing?
She was, in truth, making me be her
THERAPIST!
Yep, I was my mom's therapist for
awhile there.
Well, neither of us actually realized
it was happening...
And you couldn't really put your
finger on it...
Or define it... or look at it...
or analyze it...
But looking back on it, I could
see that I really did act like my
mom's therapist.
Now, I've thought about this,
because I absolutely do NOT
want to see this happen to anyone
else.
In fact, I've written about it in my
courses/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
In actuality, it's really a type of
enabling.
A real sneaky type of enabling,
because you don't see it happening.
It sort of just happens, and you don't
realize it's even happening.
Here, I'll give you an example.
You really care about your loved one,
I know you do, or else you wouldn't
be their supporter, just like me and
my mom.
So of course you're concerned with
how they feel.
So you ask them how they're feeling...
And they tell you.
But where you had expected a
"Fine," or even maybe a, "A little
tired," or,"Kind of depressed..."
The next thing you know, your loved
one is spending hours telling you
exactly what their thoughts and
feelings are...
And looking to you for answers
(solutions) to their problems!
And you are actually becoming
their THERAPIST!
An enabler is someone who does
things for someone that they could
(should) be doing for themselves.
Well, you wouldn't tie your loved
one's shoes for them, would you?
Or take a shower for them?
I know these are silly examples,
but you can start to see my point.
There are certain things that your
loved one should be learning how
to do for themselves.
Managing their own bipolar disorder
should be one of them.
Yes, you are their supporter, and probably
a very good one, but you should be a
helper, not do everything for them.
The problem is, if you do enable them,
they will never get better.
That's why enabling is so harmful
to your loved one.
They should have already set up their
own support system, and you should be
included in that, but they should not be
depending on only you for their support.
In their support system should also be
included a psychiatrist and a THERAPIST!
It is the therapist who they should be
talking to about their problems, NOT you!
Even though it is great that they talk to
you as well, you can listen, but you can't
really help them to change like a therapist
can - that's what they're trained to do.
Remember, you can be a sympathetic
ear to your loved one and be supportive
to them...
But you CANNOT solve their problems
for them...
And you CANNOT be their therapist!
Have you found yourself in this position
with your loved one?
How did you handle it?
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL BELOW
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarsupporterblog/index.php/dealing-with-bipolar-you-cannot-be-this-for-your-loved-one/2066/comment-page-1/#comment-13214
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter
Want your own copy of these daily bipolar
emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Bipolar Disorder
Don't forget to take a look through the
different programs I've put together... each
one is designed to help you with a different
area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or
you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com
View Past Daily Bipolar Emails For F.REE
Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
Get Audio Information On Bipolar Disorder For F.REE
Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can't learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com