Bipolar Supporter? This Separation is Important
Published: Tue, 09/15/09
Hi,
I hope you're doing good today.
I want to share a comment that
was posted on my blog recently.
Andrew says:
"It must be a dismal existence
simply to wait for the next storm
or to have forgotten or put aside
the things about a person who has
bipolar disorder - what makes
defines them as a person.
How sad, and totally unnecessary.
And even sadder that some people
choose to live there.
I have bipolar disorder, but I came
to the doctor/therapist with a whole
being, a soul, and a presence that
this condition cannot/did not erase!
I refuse to be a walking cluster of
symptoms, a label, an apology, a dull
recording of the misfortunes I have
experienced.
Bipolar disorder is a condition I have.
It is not my name (i.e., I am not "a
bipolar," I am not "bipolar.") I HAVE
bipolar disorder. It is nothing more than
the name the psychiatric professionals
chose to describe my experience of the
condition.
The other wonderful effect of separating
the label/condition from the person is
that it holds each of us responsible
for who we are and what we do. I have
some good character traits and others
that are not enviable. I refuse to
let bipolar disorder take any credit
or blame for those things."
-------------------------------------------------
First of all, Andrew makes an excellent
point about the difference between
BEING bipolar and HAVING bipolar
disorder.
That's one thing I really preach about,
especially in my courses/systems, where
I talk about the difference between the
two:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But let me backtrack and comment
on some of the other things he said.
In the beginning of his comments,
he talks about "waiting for the next
storm."
I can totally relate to that.
I used to call my mom's episodes
"the storm."
She would yell and yell at me
when she was in an episode, so
bad that it was like this huge storm.
And, like this man describes,
my dad and me were always
waiting for the next "storm"
to explode from my mom.
That was before she became
stable, of course.
But after that he says, "...or
to have forgotten or put aside
the things about a person who
has bipolar disorder - what
makes defines them as a person."
That's what I wanted to talk
to you about today:
Separating your loved one from
their bipolar disorder.
It is SO important that you be
able to do this.
Supporters who cannot separate
their loved one from their disorder
can end up feeling angry and
resentful toward their loved one.
Then they can feel guilt and shame
for feeling those negative feelings
on top of it.
They might even begin to stress
out or feel anxiety over it.
Or even get depressed over it.
And all of this is unnecessary...
If they could just separate their
loved one from their bipolar disorder.
Now, in no way am I saying that
this is an easy thing to do. I know
that it isn't.
But I think if someone had told
me what I'm telling you, and if
I had done it back when I was
living with my mom, a lot of my
problems could have been eliminated.
One way you can separate your
loved one from their disorder is
to keep in mind what they are
like when they are "normal," or
between episodes.
But let's get back to Andrew's
comment before I go, because
I really like the way he ended
his comment.
He said, "The other wonderful
effect of separating the label/
condition from the person is
that it holds each of us responsible
for who we are and what we do."
That means that your loved one,
being separate from their disorder,
cannot blame the disorder for what
they say/do.
They have to take responsibility
for their behavior.
Have you been able to separate
your loved one from their bipolar
disorder?
How have you done it?
Has it made it easier for you to
deal with things?
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http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarsupporterblog/?p=2174&cpage=1#comment-14052
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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