Dealing With Bipolar? Be a Part of This
Published: Mon, 11/16/09
Hi ,
How's it going for you today?
I hope it's a good day for you.
I have a friend who goes to a
12-Step program, and he said
they have a saying:
"Be a part of your own life."
I think that's cool.
But I can definitely relate it
to bipolar disorder, because
I've run across people who
aren't.
For example, here's an email
I received from a supporter:
"Dave,
I am fed up. I know it's probably
wrong to say that, and it may make
me be a bad supporter, but I'm
sick and tired of doing everything
for my wife. I mean, she doesn't
work or anything, so I'm talking
about things like keeping the house
clean, doing laundry, cooking, and
stuff like that. Stuff she can do. I
shouldn't have to do these things for
her. Bipolar disorder can't be that
bad, can it? I'm just finding out
about it, but I can't believe that it's
ok for someone with bipolar disorder
to not do things for themselves, even
if they do get depressed once in a
while. I want a partner, who will give
her opinion. That's what she was like
before, when we first got married. It
was one of the things I liked about
her. Now I have to make all the
decisions by myself. She just doesn't
care. I want my wife to get better.
I can't keep going on like this."
----------------------------------------------------
You wouldn't believe how often I
hear this same complaint.
Inactivity can lead to depression,
and depression lead to a bipolar
depressive episode, and before
you know it, things are out of
control.
That's why I stress productivity
so highly in my courses/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I'm not judging this man as a
good or bad supporter.
But, in my opinion, he is doing
something wrong.
I believe he is enabling his wife.
Oh, I'm not saying that she
doesn't have a responsibility for
the way things are, because she
does, bipolar or not.
But he is also doing those things
for her that she can do for herself,
and that's enabling.
What would happen if he started
making her do some of those things?
It might just bring her out of her
depression.
Understandably, from her point of
view, the bipolar disorder makes
you feel so bad during a depression
that it's hard enough to get from the
bed to the couch, much less clean
up the whole house!
So what's the answer for this man?
Well, for one thing, like I said, he
needs to stop enabling his wife.
Another thing is that he needs to
communicate his thoughts and
feelings to her.
She may not even be aware of the
things that she's doing, or how upset
she is making her husband.
He really needs to talk to her and
tell her how he's feeling.
He also needs to understand that
she can't read his mind, so nothing
is going to change unless he talks
to her about it.
But as far as the wife goes, here's
what I suggest:
1. Be present in your own life.
2. Don't expect others to do
everything for you - do those
things for yourself that you can.
3. Be an independent thinker. Express
your opinions, thoughts, and feelings.
4. Don't expect your supporter to be a
mind-reader.
5. Don't expect your doctor, psychiatrist,
and/or therapist to be mind-readers,
either. They only know what you tell
them.
6. Be a team player with your support
system - like a football player shows
up for the game, whether he is 1st
string or 2nd string - he is prepared.
7. Be prepared for mood swings - have a
plan for when they happen (especially if
it means you have to go to the hospital).
8. Be productive - even if you can't work
outside the home, start a home business,
or do volunteer work. At least do those
things around the house that you can do.
9. Use your skills and gifts to benefit others.
This is the best way to keep from feeling
sorry for yourself.
10. Be a part of your own recovery. Be your
own watchdog - look for mood shifts,
patterns, and signs and symptoms of an
episode).
What do you think?
Do you agree with me?
What would you say to the man who sent me
that email?
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL BELOW
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarsupporterblog/?p=2320&cpage=1#comment-15024
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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