Bipolar? She Thinks I Can't Know
Published: Tue, 11/10/09
Hi ,
How's it going today?
I hope your day is going well.
I had a discussion with another
supporter at the support group
recently.
Well, I call it a discussion.
She might call it a fight.
She was telling me what it
was like to live with her
husband -
In other words, to live with
someone who has bipolar
disorder.
I made the mistake of saying,
"I know how you feel."
I was just identifying with her.
I just wanted her to know she
wasn't alone.
I wanted to tell her that I had
been there, too, and how now
things are going really well with
my mom.
I wanted to encourage her.
I wanted to do a lot of positive
things, but she took everything
the wrong way.
When I said, "I know how you
feel," she got very angry!
I sure didn't expect that response!
She threw me off guard.
I was just trying to help, but
apparently she didn't want any
help.
Or was it my fault?
Let me finish telling you about
it, then you can help decide if
this was my fault or not.
Ok, so I said, "I know how you
feel."
She started yelling at me things
like:
"You aren't me, how could you
know how I feel?"
"You don't know my husband,
how could you know how I feel?"
"You don't know what I have to
live with day to day, so how can
you know how I feel?"
At that point I answered back,
because YES, I DO know how
she feels when it comes to
supporting someone with
bipolar disorder.
If you're a supporter to a loved
one with bipolar disorder, then
you probably know how she
feels as well.
I talk about living with a loved
one who has bipolar disorder
in general in my courses/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I kept trying to talk to this
woman reasonably and rationally.
I told her I did understand how
she feels, because I am a supporter,
too.
No, I admitted, I don't know her or
her husband or their situation.
But I don't have to, to be able to
relate to it.
There are some things that are
just in common for all supporters
of a loved one with bipolar disorder.
For instance, I had to deal with a
lot of anger in the beginning.
So I felt anger.
I also had to learn to deal with
frustration, resentment, and even
depression at times when I was
dealing with my mom.
Have you felt these feelings, too?
Most supporters have.
I learned that you can't make long-
term plans without having a Plan B.
You'd like it if your loved one
could be predictable, but they're just
not, unfortunately.
This woman was so angry at me,
almost offended, I think, that she
wouldn't listen to any of my
argument.
So let me ask you?
Do you think one bipolar
supporter can understand
another supporter without knowing
all the details of that person's life?
In other words, do you think
I was right or wrong in what I
said to this woman?
What's your opinion?
Have you ever had this said to
you? How did you feel?
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL BELOW
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarsupporterblog/?p=2309&cpage=1#comment-14788
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Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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