Dealing With Bipolar Disorder? You May Need to Do This
Published: Mon, 12/21/09
Hi ,
How are you doing today?
I hope you're doing well.
You know, one of the worst
things I remember about those
bad years when my mom had
undiagnosed bipolar disorder
was all the fighting.
I hated that.
It kind of scared me, because
I didn't understand why she was
fighting so much.
Sometimes I didn't even know
what I did that made her so mad.
She would just start yelling and
screaming at me, and it was awful.
It was especially horrible when
she said things that hurt me (but
later she didn't remember them).
So you know that now I am totally
against fighting.
Except I think that there are some
exceptions.
Sometimes you have to fight.
Like they say to fight for what you
believe in.
Or to fight for your rights.
Or to fight the big giant corporation
that took your money.
Or to fight for what is right.
Things like that.
But that's not what I'm talking
about.
I'm talking about fighting
with your loved one.
In my courses/systems, I talk
about how hard it is when you
are drawn into a fight with your
loved one, because it will only
make things worse.
However, there are things you
can do to help, like the idea of
listening patiently without fighting
back, and not taking it personally.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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But I'm sure, like me, that in spite
of hating to fight, you have ended
up in a couple fights with your
loved one anyway.
Hopefully, you have a good
relationship normally, with good
communication.
Hopefully, you have learned how
to disagree without hurting each
other (like the concept of "agree
to disagree") without things getting
out of control.
But when your loved one is in an
agitated mood, it may not be
that simple.
They may be like my mother was.
They may even try to pick a fight
with you.
In a manic mood, sometimes a
person with bipolar disorder can
get very irritable and get agitated
easily.
They can get real angry (whether
it's over a big thing or a small
thing).
And then they take it out on you
because either they blame you, or
because you are there to listen.
But one thing you do need to fight
for sometimes is your loved one's
stability.
That is one thing worth fighting
for.
Remember to keep in mind that
there is a separation between your
loved one and their disorder.
So you're not really fighting your
loved one, you're fighting their
bipolar disorder.
Still, things can be difficult.
Nobody likes to be yelled at.
One of the most effective ways
to deal with your loved one's
anger is by making your voice
softer.
I know, it seems like too simple
an idea. But it forces them to
listen to what you're saying.
You may have to even fight
with them over whether to go
to the hospital or not.
And that is one fight that you do
need to win!
So say whatever you have to say
to get them to hear reason and
agree to go get help voluntarily.
Hopefully, you have good
communication, so that there
are few fights.
Just remember that, when it comes
to their bipolar disorder, you
can never give up the fight for
their stability, even if it means
fighting them for their own good.
What do you think?
Do you fight with your loved one?
What usually happens?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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