Bipolar Supporter? After the Holidays, Then What?
Published: Wed, 01/06/10
Hi ,
How are you today?
I hope you're well.
Well, it's past New Year's,
and all the holidays, so you
might be asking, "Now what?"
If your loved one made it
through the holidays without
going into a bipolar episode,
that's fantastic!
Count yourself blessed.
On the other hand, the holidays
may have been a trigger for them,
and things aren't going so well.
So now what?
How do you help your loved one
after the holidays?
The same way I advised you before
the holidays, and the same way I
teach you how to be a good supporter
in my courses/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
The key is to love them unconditionally.
I know that's hard at times, at least
it was hard for me with my mom.
There were times that she made me so
mad that I wanted to hate her.
But that was the hurt in me speaking
out. I couldn't really hate my mom.
But I could hate the bipolar disorder
that made her hurt me.
Like I said, all I could do was to love
her unconditionally.
It helped when I was able to learn to
separate her from her disorder.
I could blame her bipolar and not
blame her.
Which wasn't easy, but was easier
than if I didn't.
You see?
There's a big difference between
hating the disorder and hating your
loved one.
If you can separate them from their
bipolar, you can legitimately get
mad, but at the right thing.
You can be mad because of their
behavior, and try to get them to
change it, without being mad at
them directly.
On the other hand, no one says
that you have to take abuse,
either.
If your loved one is verbally
abusive, you can always separate
from them in love.
What do I mean by that?
Well, you can love them, but
hate their behavior.
You separate the two, and when
you are able to talk to your loved
one (when they are past the
episode), explain how their anger
hurts you.
Then set a boundary.
This would be something like
telling them, "I love you, and I
realize that it's your bipolar
disorder that makes you so angry,
but it hurts me anyway. So when
you act in anger toward me, I will
have to leave you alone until you're
over it."
You don't have to say that exactly,
but something like it.
And then you need to stick to
your guns.
You have to be consistent.
The next time they take their anger
out on you, leave them.
Either go into another room or even
leave the house if you have to.
Then they will understand that
they have to be accountable for
their hurting you.
And they should take responsibility
for their behavior and its consequences.
They will have to accept the
boundaries that you set for them.
How about you?
Have you set boundaries for
your loved one?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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