Bipolar Supporter? Balancing on a High Wire
Published: Tue, 03/02/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're doing well.
I got a comment to a post I did
on how to communicate with your
loved one, and I thought I'd share
it with you, as he makes some
very good points.
"Dear Dave,
Learning to be soothing and yet assertive at the same time is
akin to balancing on a high wire, however , I know it can be done,
because on occassion I have succeeded.
Over the xmas and New Year hols my daughter( who lives with me
along with her two young sons) went into a BP depression that
lasted most of 4 weeks.
Rachel finds the amount of stress and stimulation overload in
the streets and homes workplaces and playgrounds during this
time almost unbearable so she took to her bed.
There were times I stared into the well of desperation but
theres one thing you say over and over Dave - these episodes
pass and our loved ones stabilize how I wanted to rant and
rave and bang my fists on the wall of frustration : but we
all know that doesn't work. It was also great to have knowledge
of BP and how to be an effective supporter. All of my small
amount of experience went into focusing on the BP and not my daughter.
So it was back to basics concentrating on one day at a time
sometimes it was down to one hour or part of a hour at a time.
What I found most heartening my daughter responded most days
and I know it was an enormous struggle for her to shift the
enornous weight of her dark dark mood to hear me.
I kept things simple like we planned and I kept myself calm.
Before any discussion or talk I would prepare what I wanted to
say I would go over it all in my head to get rid of any subjective
jangling bits or any personal rubbish and to focus effort on what
I wanted to get across whether it was bathing regularily or taking
her meds or even proposing a little trip to the french cafe down
the road, because I know that I would have to talk through an
enormous amount of negative traffic going on in Rachel's head."
--------------------------------------------------
"...an enormous amount of negative
traffic going on in Rachel's head."
That is such a telling statement,
and so true of people who have
bipolar disorder.
Although I go over ways to
communicate with your loved one
in my courses/systems, you may
still have to fight the "negative
traffic" going on in your loved
one's head, too.
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This man starts by saying,
"Learning to be soothing and yet assertive at the same time is
akin to balancing on a high wire, however , I know it can be done,
because on occassion I have succeeded."
Yes, it can feel like balancing on
a high wire sometimes - I know,
because that's the way I felt with
my mom at times when she was in
an episode.
It was hard to bite my tongue and not
say the things I wanted to say when
I wanted to say them.
Balancing on a high wire is like
walking around on eggshells,
afraid that something you say or
do will set your loved one off,
trigger them into an episode, or
make an existing episode worse.
But he says he has been able to
make it work on occasion, and
that's encouraging.
When I was able to make it work
with my mom, she started to
recover, so I know what he's
talking about.
He also says:
" All of my small amount of experience went into focusing on
the BP and not my daughter.
So it was back to basics concentrating on one day at a time
sometimes it was down to one hour or part of a hour at a time."
Two good points here.
1. Focus on the bipolar disorder
and not your loved one - it
will help you to deal with
them much easier. The enemy is not your loved one,
the enemy is the disorder.
Fighting with your loved one
will not make things better
for either one of you.
2. Back to basics - concentrating on one day at a
time, sometimes one hour at a time. That's what you have to do
in order to deal with your loved one and their bipolar behavior.
Then he says:
" I kept things simple like we planned and I kept myself calm.
Before any discussion or talk I would prepare what I wanted to
say I would go over it all in my head to get rid of any subjective
jangling bits or any personal rubbish and to focus effort on what
I wanted to get across..."
Which is good advice. It's best to
always keep it simple.
But the most practical advice he
gives is to keep calm and before
any discussion, plan what you're
going to say.
Can you do this?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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