Bipolar Supporter? Are You Doing This?
Published: Wed, 03/17/10
Hi ,
How's your day going?
I hope it is a good one.
Yesterday I was talking to an old
acquaintance, and I was shocked to hear
just how annoying she had become.
I'm not meaning to sound rude, but it
seemed like the only thing she did the
entire time we talked was complain.
Apparently her new boyfriend couldn't do
anything right, and her babysitter was
causing problems.
There were other things she complained
about also, but I won't bore you with all of
them.
I was surprised by how inconsiderate she
was being by complaining constantly, but
I was even more surprised to realize a
bitter truth.
That truth is: how often are we, as bipolar
supporters, complainers just like she was?
How often do we spend so much time
complaining about the things we don't like,
when we could be focusing on the things
we do?
How often do we waste our time that way,
when we could be doing something more
productive?
That's right, wasted time.
How many better ways could we be
spending our time?
I can think of a few.
Can you?
I know it's easy to fall into the pattern of
complaining.
I've certainly done it a few times.
I think we all have had at least a few
moments when we just need to vent
everything that's been going on with us
lately.
Everybody has those moments, whether
they are a supporter of someone who has
bipolar disorder or not.
And as long as it stays an every-once-in-
a-while thing, there's nothing wrong with
it.
But sometimes we let it go too far.
Sometimes we let ourselves get so carried
away in complaining about our loved ones
that we forget that there are good things
we can be talking about also.
There is, after all, a difference between
venting and complaining.
And there is a point where we spend so
much energy complaining that we even
forget that the person we are talking to
might have something to say also.
That's when we run the risk of being as
annoying as that old acquaintance of mine.
So what can we do to avoid all of this
negativity?
I know some people who would call that
"negative energy" - I don't really know
what that means, but I know it isn't
something we want to have.
One of the things we can do to avoid
negativity is simply to be positive.
Go figure, right?
It seems so simple!
And guess what?
It is!
All we have to do is think about the things
that we really do love about our loved ones,
and focus on them.
That doesn't mean that we have to ignore
the bad things, or forget that they exist.
It just means that they shouldn't be the
center of our focus.
Instead, when they do things that we can't
stand, we should allow ourselves to cope
with the problem at hand, and then calm
down and remember why we love them.
After all, that's what this is all about, isn't
it?
No one would be reading these emails if
we didn't love our loved ones.
I wouldn't even be writing these emails if
I didn't love my mother!
But we all know that I love my mother, and
you love your loved one.
So why do we complain about them?
Most of the time it is out of frustration.
So instead of complaining to a third party
about something we are frustrated about,
why can't we just calm down and then
talk to our loved one about what frustrates
us?
This has to be done very carefully, of
course.
And it should be done when they are not in
an episode, if that is at all possible.
But if we could just carefully approach our
loved ones and say something like "Hey,
you know it really frustrates me when you
do this, do you think we can talk about
what could be done instead?"
How much of a difference do you think that
would make?
I can only imagine (and hope) that it would
make a huge difference!
It would certainly be better than
complaining about them to people who
aren't involved (and let's face it, people
who probably don't care!)
So instead of complaining, I'd like it if all
of us - including me - would try to deal
with the problem at hand and focus on the
positive.
What do you think?
Does that sound like a plan?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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