Bipolar Supporter? How to Deal with Loved One's Pain
Published: Sat, 04/17/10
Hi,
How's it going?
I hope you're doing well.
I was reading this book on bipolar
disorder called "Bipolar Disorder:
Insights for Recovery" by Jane
Mountain, M.D.
It's very interesting, and has much
helpful information in it for both
supporters and survivors.
I wanted to share an excerpt of
it with you:
"The emotional pain of bipolar disorder
is completely different from physical
pain. For one thing, emotional pain
deeply affects relationships with friends
and family. When someone has physical
pain, you may easily find words to
console and encourage that person. But
when you suffer the deep emotional pain
of bipolar disorder, you likely feel you're
not getting support from others. Indeed,
to protect yourself, you hide your pain
and try to disguise your symptoms.
This doesn't mean that people who do not
experience a mental illness do not feel
emotional pain. There is not a person
living who has not known emotional pain
from loss - the loss of a loved one from
death or divorce, for example. Even the
loss of a beloved family pet can be
extremely hard to bear.
But the emotional pain of bipolar disorder
has a different quality - and is experienced
much more intensely - than these examples.
This pain can be so intense that we may
not want to live. This pain, coupled with
hopelessness, can lead to suicide."
--------------------------------------------------------
This doctor has great insight into how a
person with bipolar disorder and their
supporter can feel.
I think she makes some excellent points.
Mostly about the difference between
physical pain and emotional pain.
I like that she includes everyone in the
part about experiencing emotional
pain, because many supporters feel
like they shouldn't experience it -
That emotional pain is only for their
loved one.
But that's not true.
Supporters sometimes feel a great
amount of pain, especially from watching
their loved one when they are suffering
from a bipolar episode.
In my courses/systems, I encourage
supporters and survivors both to keep
the lines of communication open, so
each one knows how the other one feels.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
And it's true, too, about not knowing
what to say.
When someone dies, you tell the family,
"I'm sorry for your loss," or other such
things.
When someone is injured, you say,
"I hope you feel better."
But what can you say to a loved one
suffering from bipolar disorder?
You can't tell them, "I know how
you feel," because you don't, and
a comment like that may make them
angry or react in another negative
way.
So how do you express to your
loved one that you feel their emotional
pain so that they don't feel so alone?
You just have to be honest if you don't
know what to say.
It will happen at times.
And it's ok not to know what to say -
just let your loved one know that
you're there for them, that you care
about them, and be compassionate.
Many people with bipolar disorder
have been emotionally damaged by
family members who say, "Why
can't you just snap out of it?"
But we both know that's not true,
or your loved one definitely would
do it, right?
But you do always have to keep in
mind that this emotional pain is
just as real as a physical pain
for your loved one.
It's not so much what you say as
that you show an understanding
of the pain they are suffering.
And always, always - if your loved
one expresses thoughts of death or
suicide, take them seriously, and
get them to get help immediately.
What do you think of the excerpt
of this book?
Do you agree with what she says?
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Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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