Know These Borderline Hot Buttons?
Published: Wed, 08/13/08
Hi ,
Hope you're having a good day today.
Today I want to talk about:
HOT BUTTONS
Living with someone with borderline personality
disorder, sometimes your "buttons" get pushed,
and that's what I want to talk about.
Some of the things that your loved one does or
says may not bother you at all, but there may be
other things that really bother you a lot. These
are called hot buttons.
A hot button would be something like a
criticism that you don't feel you deserve, and
that makes you feel really bad, or angry, or
resentful.
Another hot button might be when your loved one
says something to you that stings really badly,
something that really hurts you, but that you're
afraid to say something back, because you may
be afraid of the consequences.
That's a hot button, too.
Other hot buttons are:
· Being unfairly accused by your loved
one (you don't feel as if you have any
defense)
· Being overly adored or admired by your
loved one (because you may feel like you're
being set up for later when they turn on you
and act just the opposite)
· Being raged at (when it seems to come out
of the blue and you have no idea what you
did, and especially because you have no
recourse and no defense, you just have to
stand there and take it)
· Fear - of losing something (love, money,
affection, access to your children, or even
the relationship itself)
· Fear for your own safety (your loved one
can be so unpredictable that you "walk on
eggshells never knowing what to expect)
In my main course and resource below, I teach about
coping mechanisms for borderline behavior:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
One way to cope with hot button triggers is
to work on yourself.
If you improve your own self-esteem, then
when your loved one comes at you with
criticism, you won't be so apt to believe him.
You will know who you are, be confident in
your own identity, and you won't be so shaken
when he tries to upset you.
Or you may want to do things outside the home
so you are not in the vicinity when your loved
one comes home ranting and raving and looking
for someone to take out their anger on.
That way you won't be an easy target for them.
Another thing you can do is perform "reality
checks" with other people.
It's very difficult being a supporter for a loved
one with borderline personality disorder.
It's easy to get "lost" in their world. Don't let
that happen to you.
Remember, you are not the one with the disorder.
Performing "reality checks" with other people will
help you to stay stable, and help you remember who
you are, and that you are not the one with the problems.
Another way for you to cope with hot buttons is that
when your loved one is in one of their "love you"
moods, don't trust it - they may be setting you up.
So don't let your guard down. Be prepared.
Most importantly...
For all your hot buttons...
BE AWARE OF THEM...
And minimize your visible reactions to them.
As long as you know what they are (listed above, and
you can add your own to the list)...
While you are working to change them...
Don't let your reactions to them show visibly to your
loved one!
Keep your reactions to yourself.
And keep working on your hot buttons.
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml