Dealing with your borderline feelings
Published: Wed, 09/03/08
Hi ,
I hope you're doing well.
As a supporter of a loved one with borderline
personality disorder, you're dealing with a lot
of feelings, most of them negative.
That's what I want to talk about today -
dealing with your feelings.
Most supporters I've talked to or send me emails
talk about the fear most of all. So I guess that's
the biggest feeling.
Oh, before I go on, let me tell you one big thing -
THESE FEELINGS ARE NORMAL when you're
dealing with a loved one who has borderline
personality disorder.
Let me tell you, too, that these are NOT YOUR
FAULT!
Although, at times, especially in a rage, your loved
one may try to make you think that everything is
your fault. Remember that this is NOT your loved
one talking - it is their illness talking.
That will make it easier for you to deal with
your feelings.
Because your loved one is so unpredictable in
their behavior, and fights can come out of nowhere,
it's normal for you to be afraid of this (of them).
In my main course and resource below, I talk about
your feelings and how to deal with them, only some
of which I'll go over in this email, because there are
so many of them:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Another feeling you may be dealing with is guilt.
This, too, is normal.
You may be thinking, "I shouldn't be feeling this
way." But you have every right to feel the way
you do. I once heard the expression, "Feelings
aren't right or wrong. They just ARE." Try to
remember that saying - it might help you.
You might be feeling anger. Especially when your
loved one is acting angry/raging at you. Remember
one of the key things is NOT to fight back!
You will always lose, because your loved one will
NOT stop, because they think they're right, and
will keep going until they "prove it to you."
They won't listen to what you say anyway. It's
part of their illness.
Remember that one of the characteristics of
borderline personality disorder is called "splitting,"
where everything is black and white to them -
they are right and you are wrong.
You will never be able to win a fight with
them, and getting angry right back at them
will never do you any good.
Your best bet is to get out your anger in healthier
ways. Scream into a pillow if you have to. Join
a gym and hit the punching bag. Talk to someone
about your feelings of anger. Get a journal and
write about it (not to ever show him, but just so
you get out the feelings).
Self-pity is one of the worst feelings you're probably
dealing with. You could be thinking, "Why did
this happen to me?" Or "Why is he doing this to me?"
These are normal thoughts. However, self-pity won't
get you anywhere. And thoughts like these will just
continue to bring down your self-esteem even lower
than it already is.
You need to do things that make you feel better
about yourself and your situation. If you can (if
it won't make your loved one jealous and just make
things harder for you), try to get out with some
friends and go to the movies or something.
Just do something you enjoy. Get out of the house.
Maybe take a class at the local college. Join a support
group. Visit your family. Volunteer somewhere.
Get a part-time job (if you don't already have a full-time
one), or change careers.
But there are some positive feelings as well.
Don't forget love and hope.
Love and hope can get you through some of the
worst times, can't they?
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter Want your own copy of these
daily bipolar emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml