Borderline Supporter? Move Your Buttons!
Published: Thu, 10/16/08
Hi ,
Hope you're having a good day.
Today I want to talk to you about a concept
someone taught me that may sound funny to you at
first, but I think you'll understand as we go along.
It's called:
MOVE YOUR BUTTONS!
I told you it would sound funny! But it's not about sewing
or anything, it's about the buttons that your loved one
pushes when they're acting out behavior comes out and
they take it out on you, and you react to it.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate what I mean:
Bill and Michele are married. Michele has a son, Tyler,
who lives with them. Tyler is constantly pushing Michele's
buttons. Why? Because Tyler is a teenager.
Whenever Michele asks Tyler to do something, she gets
attitude and smart comments in return. This makes Michele
upset, frustrated, angry, aggravated, and stressed out.
In other words, her emotional buttons are pushed, and she
reacts to Tyler's behavior towards her.
One day, Bill told Michele that she wasn't going to be able
to change Tyler, so she had to change herself and her
reaction to his behavior. She was going to have to
MOVE HER BUTTONS!
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You can apply this concept to your situation with
your loved one with borderline personality disorder, too.
See the parallel?
You can't change your loved one or their behavior.
But you CAN change your REACTION to their
behavior!
You, too, can:
MOVE YOUR BUTTONS!
In my main course and resource below, I teach you how
to cope with your loved one's acting out behavior:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Moving your buttons is a simple concept, and the more you
practice it, the better you will get at it.
For example, say your loved one starts calling you names.
They have pushed your button, and your natural response is
to react with hurt.
What if you MOVE YOUR BUTTONS, and tell yourself
that you are NOT the names that your loved one is calling you,
and that this is THEIR problem, and not yours?
See how just changing your reaction by moving your
buttons decreases your emotional response to the situation?
Say you're under stress because your loved one has been
fighting with you over seemingly meaningless things. You
know you haven't done anything wrong, but lately it seems
like you can't do anything right! Every time you turn around,
there is another fight.
MOVE YOUR BUTTONS!
Fighting back is of no use at all. In fact, it always makes it
worse. Your loved one doesn't seem to listen to a word you
say, they always have to be right, and everything you say is
wrong anyway. Sound familiar?
By moving your buttons, you will decrease your stress
level, and also decrease the amount of fighting that you're
having to go through, because if you're loved one doesn't
have you to fight with, well... it's no fun to fight with
someone who doesn't fight back!
Let's go back to Michele's case.
When she moved her buttons, Tyler couldn't "get to her"
anymore. He still tried to provoke her, but she didn't
react the way she used to. This frustrated him, and he still
tried for a while, but eventually he realized that this tactic
was NOT going to work, and guess what?
HIS BEHAVIOR CHANGED!
I'm not saying that this is a perfect solution to all your
problems.
There is no one-step fix to your loved one's acting out
behavior, I'm sorry to say.
Tyler was still Tyler. And he still acted out, but not as often.
The important thing was that Michele had more better days
than not, and her stress level dropped considerably, so she
was able to think more rationally than emotionally.
All because she
MOVED HER BUTTONS!
You still can't change your loved one. But you CAN change
yourself.
You can't change your loved one's behavior. But you CAN
change your REACTION to it.
All you have to do is:
MOVE YOUR BUTTONS!
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml