Borderline Insight into Your Loved One
Published: Tue, 10/28/08
Hi ,
How's it going?
Sometimes it's hard to know WHY your loved
one acts the way they do.
One thing that might help is if you knew
some factors that reduce their effectiveness
(the "why" of what they do).
Sometimes, your loved one isn't even sure why
they act the way they do.
They're not really sure how to act in some situations.
They don't know what to say or how to say it. They
don't know how to behave.
They don't know how to set goals and objectives or
how to achieve them. They don't know what will
work. Sometimes this means that they won't even
try for fear of failure.
They have worry thoughts. They worry about bad
consequences, about whether they deserve to get
what they want, about not being perfect, about
doing things wrong.
They worry about whether they're really a bad person.
They worry about what you (and others) think
about them. They worry that they'll fall apart.
Their emotions get in the way of their ability to handle
things right.
This is one of the things I go over in my main
course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Fear, guilt, frustration, anger, etc., get in the way
for your loved one, and may cause them to make
bad decisions and poor choices.
Even if they do have the ability to handle things
right, they still sometimes don't handle things the
way you (and other people) think they should.
There's that vicious cycle, again, of worrying
about what other people think of them.
There's the cycle, too, where emotions take over
instead of skill and right thinking and control
what they do. And this happens over and over
again. That's why it's hard for you to understand
some of the things they do.
They want to make good decisions, but all these
other factors get in the way of being able to do
that.
Your loved one is very insecure, even though
they may not act like it. With this insecurity comes
the fear of doing things wrong, so sometimes they
stumble, and sometimes they do the wrong thing.
Sometimes things don't come out the way they thought
they would.
For example, a "discussion" may turn into unexpected
rage.
They can't decide what they really want to do or what
they really want. This explains why they act like they
love you one minute and hate you the next minute.
They may have the ability to care about you, but their
confused emotions and indecision get in the way of
their being able to show it in the right way.
Communication is a problem for your loved one.
They are afraid that they may ask for too much or
nothing at all. They may say no to everything or give
in to everything. Therefore, they can seem to be a
controlling person.
--------------------------------------------------------------
These insights by no means explain everything
about why your loved one does and says what they do.
But hopefully, they will help you understand a
little bit more what it's like for your loved one to live
with borderline personality disorder.
Your Friend,
Dave
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help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml