Are You This Way In Your Borderline Relationship?
Published: Mon, 02/16/09
Hi ,
I hope you're doing well today.
Today I want to talk about relationships
in general, and yours specifically.
Oh, I don't want you to feel as if I've been
looking in your window or anything, but
from all the people I've talked to who or
who I've gotten emails from who either
have borderline personality disorder or
are supporting someone who does, I've
heard a lot of the same things about their
relationships.
And one of the biggest things I've heard
concerns about is COMMUNICATION -
either problems with it, or lack of it.
The first, and I think most important thing,
I think we need to remember about
relationships is that they are made up of
two people.
Usually two very different people.
And people change.
Are you the same person you were when
you entered this relationship?
Is your loved one?
People, in general, are both strong and
fragile.
People with borderline personality disorder
are even moreso.
When you're dealing with two people in
a relationship, you're dealing with two
different personalities.
Sometimes, two conflicting personalities.
And if you're supporting a loved one with
borderline personality disorder, you might
even feel as if your loved one has two
different personalities themselves - who
they are when they're in a "normal" stage,
and who they are when they're acting out
or out of control.
In my main course and resource, I
emphasize the relationship, and especially
communication and its importance in the
supporter and survivor relationship:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
I never said that having a relationship
with someone with borderline personality
disorder is easy. I know it isn't. But
this relationship, like any other relationship,
must have some rules to it.
Two people in a relationship should respect
each other.
I know, you might say that your loved one
certainly doesn't show respect to you when
they're calling you names, criticizing you,
belittling you, etc. But that's only when
they're acting out - and that's the borderline
personality disorder, not THEM (the core
them).
When your loved one is in a normal period,
do the two of you treat each other with respect?
Another thing is that two people in a relationship
should trust each other.
Do the both of you trust each other?
Now, this might be an issue in a relationship
where one of the people has borderline
personality disorder.
Let me explain:
Someone with this disorder has a core
issue with fear of abandonment that
makes it very, very difficult for them
to trust. So your loved one may have
a hard time trusting you.
Hopefully, with your love, support,
and understanding (and with therapy
and time), your loved one will grow to
trust you.
Also, with time, as you see your loved
one change with therapy (change their
behavior) and have less episodes of acting
out behavior, you will grow to trust them
as well.
Two people in a relationship should be
concerned about the other person's feelings.
They should take care in not hurting the
other person.
Are you this way?
Your loved one should be this way, at
least during a normal period.
They may have trouble with it during an
episode of acting out behavior but, again,
it is not on purpose. The "real" them loves
you and cares about your feelings, or they
wouldn't be with you.
Two people in a relationship should be
honest with each other.
Are the two of you honest with each other?
Because now we're right back at
COMMUNICATION.
In order to be honest with each other,
you have to be able to communicate
your thoughts and feelings honestly.
It's not just a matter of telling the truth
(hopefully you are doing that).
For example, if you feel as if you are
being manipulated by your loved one,
hopefully you are able to communicate
that honestly to your loved one (and
they, respecting you, will not get angry
with you).
Here I am talking about a best-case
scenario, where your loved one has
been in therapy and understands that
you may say things to them that, before
therapy, they may have taken the wrong
way or acted out over.
If they are not in therapy, you may still
have to watch what you say and how
you say it, unfortunately.
If you have a relationship that has these
parts to it:
· Communication
· Respect
· Trust
· Honesty
...then you have a good relationship.
Even if you're working on these things,
you still have a good relationship.
(Remember how I said at the beginning
that people are both strong and fragile?)
Agree or disagree?
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml