Hate the Borderline, Love the Person
Published: Mon, 01/26/09
Hi ,
I hope you're doing well today.
Today I'm going to talk about one of
the hardest things a supporter of a
loved one with borderline personality
disorder has to learn how to do:.
Hate the borderline, but love the person.
First of all, it's a strange concept to
think of hating something you can't
see, hear, touch, taste or feel.
But still, there are things that we hate.
Like some people hate dogs. Others hate
cats. And dogs and cats hate each other.
Some people even hate other people,
although I think that's really sad.
There are people who hate doing certain
things, like certain tasks - I know a
woman who hates vacuuming so much
that her husband has to do it!
Some people hate their jobs, others hate
where they live, and still others hate the
car they drive.
Some people hate when things don't go
the way they want them to.
Children will say, "I hate school."
Sometimes, a teenager will say to their
parents, in their adolescent rebellion,
"I hate you!"
Some people hate certain foods.
Some people hate depending on other
people, and others hate being alone.
Some people hate being told what to do,
and others hate having to be the boss
and tell people what to do.
And I think we all hate phone solicitors
and junk mail.
Some of these things have a trade off, though.
For example, you may hate your job, but
love the paycheck that comes with that job.
You might hate where you live, but be
grateful for a roof over your head.
You may hate the car you drive, but hey--
at least it's transportation, right? And
you could be walking instead.
Some of these "hates" are only temporary.
For example:
Many parents have had their teenager tell
them, "I hate you," yet go on to have a
normal, loving, healthy relationship with
them as they grow older.
Some of these "hates" you can do something
about, but some of them you can't. That's
just the way it is.
Like cats and dogs hating each other.
That's something that will never change.
That's just nature.
But if you hate things the way they are, you
might be able to do something about them.
For example, if you hate being alone, you
can seek out friendships.
If you hate doing a certain task, you might
be able to find a way around it, like the
woman who hated vacuuming did!
So what does all of this have to do with
borderline personality disorder?
Well, I'll tell you.
It's OK to hate borderline personality disorder.
It's even ok to hate borderline behavior.
What's not ok is to hate your loved one
just because they have borderline personality
disorder or because of their borderline
behavior.
In my main course and resource below,
I talk about separating your loved one
from their disorder:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
The point is, you can hate the borderline
and still love the person.
You just have to learn to separate the two
from each other.
Think about how your loved one is
when they're in their normal periods.
You love and care about them then,
don't you?
Well, they still have borderline personality
disorder during those normal periods -
it doesn't go away just because they're
acting normal.
Now think about how your loved one is
when they're in an episode of acting
out behavior.
They're still the same person you love
and care about!
But they still have borderline personality
disorder, and now the disorder is causing
them to act this negative way.
By separating your loved one from their
disorder, you can still love them, but
hate the disorder (and what it does to them).
What about you?
Have you been able to separate your loved one
from their borderline personality disorder?
Can you, now, hate the disorder and love
the person?
If so, how were you able to do it?
Your Friend,
Dave
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml