Don't Take On Your Loved One's Borderline Symptoms
Published: Thu, 01/29/09
Hi ,
How's it going today?
I had an interesting conversation
the other day with someone who was
asking me about borderline personality
disorder.
He said a friend of his was dating this
girl who had the disorder.
The more he talked, though, the more I
had the feeling that this was one of those,
"My friend is..." things where the person
is really talking about themselves, you
know?
Well, this guy kept talking around and
around in circles about his "friend,"
until I finally just told him it was ok
to tell me if it was really him that he
was talking about. So he finally
admitted that it was.
He told me about his girlfriend and her
"crazy" behavior, the up and down
moods, the anger and rage, the love
me one second and hate me the next,
her fear of him leaving her -
you know, all those things we've come
to know as classic symptoms of borderline
personality disorder.
Then he asked me the funniest thing.
He said, "Dave, do you think I can catch
my girlfriend's borderline?"
I almost wanted to laugh at first, because
it seemed like such a silly question, but
then I realized that this guy was not
only serious, but really afraid, almost
desperate.
He really thought you could catch
borderline personality disorder from
someone like you can catch the flu
or something!
And guess what?
It isn't a silly question at all!
Because I've been asked it more times
than you can imagine by supporters
of loved ones with borderline personality
disorder.
So I told this guy the truth.
"No, you can't catch your girlfriend's
borderline. But you can take on her
symptoms."
And I went on to explain to him what
I'm going to explain to you.
In my main course and resource below,
I talk about how you have to keep your
own identity separate from you loved
one's, and why that's so important:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Here's a good example of what I mean
by taking on your loved one's symptoms:
Say your loved one screams and yells at
you a lot, maybe even rages. Or picks
fights over nothing.
Now, you know better. Rationally, you
know better. It's not like you to go
around screaming and yelling at people,
raging at them, or picking fights with
them.
BUT...
You scream and yell right back at your
loved one anyway, maybe even raging
at them.
You don't even stop to think that this is
"their" behavior, normally, and NOT
yours!
You have, in effect, taken on some of
your loved one's symptoms.
Here's another example:
They blame you, criticize you, and
accuse you of doing things you haven't
done.
You know you should be quiet. You
know you haven't done these things.
But you turn around and start doing the
same things to them, just to get back
at them.
Again, in effect, you have taken on your
loved one's symptoms.
You are your loved one's supporter.
You are the closest person to them.
When they're acting out, they're probably
going to take it out on you.
So you know their symptoms better than
anyone else.
The more aware you are of these symptoms,
the less the chance there is for you to take
them on yourself.
IF you are conscious of this.
It is so easy to lose yourself in the moment.
It is TOO easy to get caught up and yell
and scream back at your loved one when
they are raging at you.
But the secret to NOT taking on your loved
one's borderline symptoms is to remember
this:
Your loved one is the one with borderline
personality disorder.
NOT YOU!!!
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml