Borderline Supporter? Is This Real or Not Real?
Published: Wed, 06/03/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I got this post on my blog:
"Hi Dave,
I wanted you to know that
your information is very good,
and has helped me a lot, but
there's something I need to ask
you about.
My wife is normally a really
good wife, but sometimes I'm just
not sure what is real and what is
not real when it comes to the
way she acts.
I mean, sometimes she acts like
she really loves me, and other
times she acts like she really
hates me. So how do I know
which are her real feelings?
And sometimes she acts really
cool, like there's nothing wrong,
but then other times she starts
blaming me for things that I
haven't even done. But she
sure believes it! Then nothing
I can do or say can change her
mind.
She gets really, really mad and
acts like I'm the enemy, fighting
and yelling and screaming, and
I just can't make her stop. I just
have to wait till she runs out of
steam.
She does a lot of other things like
this too. So my question is, how do
I know which is the real her, and
which is her borderline personality
disorder? Or is she using her
disorder as an excuse to do these
other things, but they really are the
real her?
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Malcolm."
------------------------------------------------------------
Well, like I always say, I'm not a
psychiatrist or therapist, so I can't really
analyze or give a professional opinion
based on what Malcolm wrote.
I can only give my opinion based on the
hundreds and hundreds of emails,
comments posted on my blog, people who
I've talked to and who have talked to me,
both people with borderline personality
disorder and their supporters, interviews
I've done, and professionals I've talked to.
But I can say this.
It sounds like this man has his hands full.
It also sounds like his wife is exhibiting
behaviors that a lot of people with borderline
personality disorder do.
Like the "love you one minute hate you
the next."
And the fighting for no reason.
And the yelling and screaming.
And the picking on you.
And the blaming you.
And the accusing you for things you
haven't done.
These are all characteristics of
borderline personality disorder.
But the real questions he's asking are:
- How do I know which is the real
her, and which is the borderline
personality disorder?
And:
- How do I know if or when she's
faking it?
And both these questions are common
for a supporter to ask.
That's why I go over them in my
main course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Because there are normal periods between
acting out behavior, you may wonder
whether your loved one is "faking" their
borderline behavior as an excuse to act
the way they do.
This is normal for a supporter to wonder.
Borderline personality disorder can
cause your loved one to act in all kinds
of ways that they normally wouldn't act.
In fact, they may not even be aware
that they are doing these behaviors,
and may deny them later, which may
make you think that they are lying
to you.
Their memory of the same event may
not even be the same as yours, or
they may deny the event even occurred.
This is the borderline personality disorder.
When they are not in a normal period,
they may get out of control, and that's
when the acting out behavior happens,
like the behaviors I listed before.
These are also part of the borderline
personality disorder.
If your loved one is normally a kind,
loving person, but then starts acting
like the opposite, I don't think they
are "faking" it - I believe it is the
borderline personality disorder, and
not them.
It would take too much energy to
"fake" it consistently like that.
On the other hand, some people with
the disorder can be very manipulative,
so they just might be using their disorder
as an excuse to act the way they do.
You know your loved one better than
anyone else. Only you can know if
you are being manipulated or not.
It might help to ask yourself which type
of behavior is the more consistent?
Which type of behavior happens the
most often?
Someone with borderline personality
disorder will have more normal periods
than they will have acting out periods.
Ask yourself, what is my loved one
like during their normal periods?
Then ask yourself, what is my loved one
like during their acting out periods?
Then figure out which happens more often.
That might help you to distinguish between
the "two people."
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter Want your own copy of these
daily bipolar emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml