Borderline Supporter? Take Advantage of These
Published: Tue, 05/05/09
Hi ,
Hope you're doing ok today.
Remember when I got that post from
the man who was complaining that
his wife was always fighting with
him, and screaming and yelling all
the time? He said that one minute
she loved him, and the next minute
she acted like she hated him.
He said a lot more things, but the
bottom line was, he said she was
driving him crazy, and he didn't know
if he could stand it any more.
Well, here's an email I got recently
that shows the other side of the coin:
"Hello, Dave -
I read that man's post about his wife
driving him crazy and everything,
and I have to tell you about my wife
and her borderline personality disorder.
I mean, yes, she does all those same
things, and sometimes I feel like she's
driving me crazy too, I'll grant you that.
But I would never think of leaving her
in a million years. Do you know why?
Because it's the in between times that make
it worth it. What that man described doesn't
happen all the time. In fact, most of the
time, my wife acts quite sane, literally.
She is a wonderful person, and we love
each other very much. Except for her
acting out behavior sometimes, we have
a good relationship. I hate when she gets
out of control, but I've learned how to
deal with it (it isn't easy, believe me), but
I've learned to hold onto her "normal"
times, and that gets me through it.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know
the other side of the story. Not
everyone is like that man. Thanks for
letting me give my point of view.
Dennis."
---------------------------------------------------
This is true. I have heard both sides of
the supporter's point of view before,
but I wanted you to see it for yourself.
Because, like the title of this email
says (and you might be wondering
what I'm talking about), I want you
to take advantage of these:
The good times.
Just like Dennis says in his email,
not everyone is like the man who said
his wife is driving him crazy,
Dennis has a more positive way of
viewing his wife's borderline personality
disorder.
He admits that she acts out, fighting with
him and yelling and screaming too, which
is typical borderline behavior, but he also
talks about the normal times in between.
That's one of the things I stress in my
main course and resource below, that although
there will be times of acting out behavior,
there will be times that your loved one
will also be "normal" as well:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
So that's why I called this "Take
Advantage of These."
I want you to think about this:
Take advantage of the normal times
you have with your loved one in
between their periods acting out
behavior.
Take advantage of the "normal"
periods.
Try to be as close to your loved one
during this time as you can.
Use this time as one of best communication.
Because if you can learn to communicate
with them during this time, maybe they
will learn to trust you, and maybe they'll
listen to you when you tell them that
they need help.
It can also be the closest, most intimate
time that you have with them, without the
clinging behavior, or the love you one
minute hate you the next minute so
characteristic of borderline personality
disorder that you usually have to deal
with when your loved one is acting out.
Take advantage of the in between times
when the two of you can be close.
Do the things that you can't do when
you're loved one is acting out.
Have fun together!
Go out with friends!
It is during these times when you
don't have to worry about your
loved one embarrassing you or
themselves.
Take advantage of it.
Use this time to broach any subject
that you've been wanting to talk
about with your loved one but were
afraid to when they've been in one
of their acting out periods.
Maybe you even want to talk to them
about what happened during one
of their last acting out periods -
well, here's your chance!
Maybe you want to express your
feelings to them without fear of them
getting mad at you, or seeing it as
your being weak - now, during a time
of normalcy, you can do that!
Take advantage of it.
Or you might have thoughts of your
own that during an episode of acting
out behavior may have caused a fight
(and you don't know why) - now's the
time to express them without fear of
retaliation from your loved one.
During a normal period you can spend
time with your own family and friends,
without being accused of abandoning
your loved one.
Your loved one may have borderline
personality disorder, and they may
exhibit acting out behavior, but
remember, there will be times in
between when they will act normally.
Take advantage of these times!
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml