Borderline Supporter? Lesson from a Passive Man
Published: Mon, 05/11/09
Hi ,
Hope you're doing well today.
You know, there are some
people who are aggressive.
Usually, we like to stay away
from these people, because they
kind of get in our faces, and try
to make us believe that their way
is the only way.
You know the kind of people
I'm talking about.
And then there are people who
are passive.
These people are usually
thought of as wishy-washy,
with no opinion of their own.
You know, the kind who stay
in the background, etc.
Generally, none of us wants
to be like this person.
We try to be somewhere in
between the two types of
people, generally speaking.
But when it comes to being a
supporter of a loved one with
borderline personality disorder,
there is a lesson to be learned
from the passive person.
Here's a story about a passive
man that I met:
He was telling me about his
wife who has borderline
personality disorder.
He said that when she would
pick fights with him, he used to
fight back with her, especially
when she thought she was right,
and he thought he was right.
He thought if he fought with
her, he could win.
But he found out that no matter
how much he fought, or for
how long...
Even if he was right, he would
always lose.
Because his wife would keep
fighting until she would just
plain wear him down.
So he discovered that it just
plain wasn't worth fighting with
her.
I've heard this story so many times,
and that's why I discuss the issue
of anger in someone with borderline
personality disorder in my main
course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
But this man learned to handle
his wife differently.
Actually, what he told me was
that he realized that his wife
wasn't going to change...
So that if things were going to
be different...
He would have to change.
So what he started doing, was...
He became PASSIVE.
No matter what his wife did to
be aggressive towards him, he
just was passive in return.
So, say the same thing happened
like above.
She would pick a fight with him.
She would believe she was right
(whether she really was or not).
Then she would rant and rave at
him, yelling and screaming at him.
And he would remain passive.
No matter how loud she yelled,
or how much she screamed...
He would remain passive.
No matter how loud she got, or
whatever she yelled at him, and
no matter how much he wanted
to yell right back at her...
He still remained passive.
This would really make her angry,
and she would just get madder
and madder...
Until she really got out of control.
Not that this was what he wanted,
BUT...
Who wants to fight with someone
who won't fight back?
Eventually she would get totally
out of control.
While, guess what?
Yep!
He still remained passive!
It's like a train that gets out of
control.
Then it eventually loses steam.
Well, so would his wife.
And, as long as he could keep
his cool...
He still had all his calm and
energy!
He still wouldn't run out of steam.
It's not a matter of who wins and
loses, I'm not trying to say that.
It's a matter of how you can cope
with a loved one with borderline
personality disorder who yells
and screams and fights with you.
And one way you can do that
is to learn a lesson from this man
who...
Stayed PASSIVE.
Your Friend,
Dave
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