Borderline? Do You Feel This Way Too?
Published: Thu, 06/25/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I got this email and I wanted
to share it with you:
"Dave,
My wife treats me horribly. I
mean, she calls me names, she
humiliates me, she accuses me
of doing things I never did, and
she fights with me all the time.
She even does some of this stuff
in public, or in front of our friends,
(which we don't have many of any
more, because she's pushed them
all away), which really embarrasses
me. I used to feel like I really loved
her, but now I'm starting to hate her.
Then I feel guilty abouot feeling this
way. Is this normal, or am I going
as crazy as she is?
Norman"
---------------------------------------------------
Well, first of all, as I always say,
I'm not a psychiatrist or anything,
so I can't advise anyone that way,
so all I can do is give my opinion.
And maybe some of you might
disagree.
But I think more of you will agree
with what I have to say to Norman.
Because I think you might be going
through what he is going through,
too.
It is normal for someone with borderline
personality disorder to exhibit these
kinds of behaviors - the name calling,
humiliation, accusations, and fighting
that this man describes in his email -
plus other behaviors that I describe
in my main course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
And it is also normal to have negative
feelings toward your loved one
because of these behaviors.
Even to the point of feeling like
you hate them.
Just think back to school.
Every school had the school bully.
And every bully had someone
that they always picked on.
How do you think the kid that
always got picked on felt?
Don't you think that maybe he
grew to feel like he hated that bully?
Then what if that kid was really
a good kid?
Don't you think that maybe he
might have felt guilty for feeling
that way?
Well, back to now, and your situation.
Can you see how the two situations
are similar?
You may feel as if your loved one
is picking on you just like that bully
picked on that kid in the schoolyard.
You may have similar feelings.
Even worse, because the behavior
doesn't happen every day.
You never know when it's going
to happen.
You never know what mood your
loved one is going to be in when
they walk through the door.
It's like walking on eggshells all
the time.
So you may feel like they are "crazy,"
like Norman described his wife,
and that you feel like you're going
"crazy" as well.
Is this a normal feeling?
When you're dealing with a loved
one with borderline personality
disorder, it is.
At least that's what I've been told
by countless other supporters and
what I've experienced myself.
One time my mom told me, "I hate
you. I don't want you to be my
son anymore."
How was I supposed to feel?
I could have felt like I hated her
right back.
But instead I understood that the
person saying those things to me
was not my mother.
It was a person with a mental illness.
Maybe that would help you too.
When your loved one is acting out
against you, remember that it is not
them really saying and doing all
those things.
It is the borderline personality
disorder in them.
Try to remember that they are a
person with a mental illness.
They don't really hate you, even
if they say so.
And if you feel like you hate them,
try to turn that around into hatred
against their disorder instead of
hatred against them directly.
Then maybe you won't feel so
guilty for feeling the way you do.
If you feel other negative feelings,
then these are normal as well.
You may feel resentment toward
your loved one because of the way
they treat you, for example.
Again, you can turn the resentment
from your loved one toward their
borderline personality disorder instead.
Have you experienced what Norman
is going through?
What would you tell him?
Your Friend,
Dave
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml