Borderline? The Only Thing That Changes is Change
Published: Mon, 07/27/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I have this friend who has an
old grandmother who lives in the
country.
Now, I'm not picking on him or
her, don't get me wrong.
But my friend is always telling me
stories about his grandmother.
This is one of those old grandmothers
who sits on the porch rocking in
her rocking chair, with an old quilt
across her knees, snapping pole
beans into an old bowl.
And when my friend visits her, she's
always giving him her words of
wisdom.
Well, here's one he shared with me:
"The only thing that changes is change."
Right. I reacted the way that you
probably just did.
I looked at him and went, "Huh?"
Well, at least it made me think.
Maybe I might not understand
exactly what my friend's grandmother
meant by what she said, but I thought
about what it could mean in relation
to borderline personality disorder.
And here's how I see it:
If your loved one has the disorder,
there really isn't a whole lot you
can count on.
Like the characteristics I describe
in my main course and resource,
things can change from one day
to the next when someone has
borderline personality disorder.
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Your loved one might be in a
good mood one day, and in a
bad mood the next day.
Now, that can happen to people
who don't have the disorder, too.
But it's different for you, isn't it?
Because for you, a bad mood can
come with anger and rage.
Rage can even mean violence and
abuse.
You can be living in an atmosphere
of fear much of the time, whereas
someone who is in a relationship
with a person who doesn't have
borderline personality disorder isn't
scared.
You may feel like you're walking
on eggshells, afraid of what your
loved one will do, or how they will
act.
They may be in a good mood, but
something you do may "set them
off," and the next thing you know,
that mood changes into a bad mood,
just like good weather changing
into a storm.
It's hard for you, because even when
your loved one is in a good mood,
it's hard to trust it, because "the
only thing that changes is change" -
and that good mood can change
at any time.
That's really hard, isn't it?
Change is so hard to live with,
because you can't trust it.
The best you can hope for is that
your loved one goes into treatment
for their borderline personality
disorder.
For them to go into treatment,
though, they have to see a NEED
for change, first of all.
And many people with the disorder
don't see that. They are in denial -
they don't see a problem with their
behavior.
Even those that do see a need for
change, have to WANT to change.
That's the second thing.
You can want it for them with all
your heart, but until they want it
for themselves, it's not going to
do any good.
The third thing is that they have
to be WILLING to change.
That's a key element to the "the
only thing that changes is change"
philosophy.
If your loved one is not willing
to change, then all the treatment
in the world won't help them.
There are even some therapists
that won't work with patients
who have borderline personality
disorder for that very reason -
because they don't feel that the
person will be willing to participate
in their treatment.
Now comes the hardest thing of all:
Your loved one has to be willing
to be in treatment for the LONG
TERM.
Treatment for borderline personality
disorder isn't just for a few weeks.
It takes intensive, long term therapy
to really help the person to change.
Then comes the hard part for you -
If your loved one goes into treatment,
they WILL change.
Will you be able to accept the changes
in your loved one?
Your Friend,
Dave
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help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml