Borderline Lesson from a Storm
Published: Mon, 08/10/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
Hope you're doing well today.
You know, I have a friend
who is afraid of storms.
Actually, specifically, the
lightning, but the thunder
actually draws his attention,
and he gets real nervous.
Now why would a grown man
be so afraid of storms?
Well, when he was 10 years
old, lightning hit the tree outside
his window, causing it to crash
through the window and right
in front of him on the bed.
To this day, he still has memories
of the trauma from that day, and
that's why he reacts to storms the
way he does.
As an adult, however, he knows
what to do when a storm approaches.
He can now prepare himself.
He can tell when a storm is brewing...
The atmosphere changes...
It starts to get darker...
The wind starts blowing the trees...
He hears the distant thunder...
And then the storm hits.
It's always the same pattern.
Well, there are two lessons
to be learned from this story:
1. You still bring some of
your past experiences to
your relationship with your
loved one (as do they)
2. You can notice patterns in
your loved one as well before
their "storm" hits.
If you are in a relationship with
someone who has borderline personality
disorder, remember that both you and
your loved one has a past from before
you were together.
We are all made up of our experiences,
both bad and good.
Someone who has borderline personality
disorder has a history of failed relationships,
because that's just part of the disorder.
They probably never had a good relationship
modeled for them that they could copy.
No one probably ever showed them or
told them how to have a good relationship.
All their past relationships probably turned
out poorly.
And problems with interpersonal relationships
is one of the key symptoms of borderline
personality disorder.
But you also brought your own baggage
into the relationship as well, borderline
or not.
You have probably had past bad relationships
as well.
And part of that you have kept with you.
Maybe you don't trust your loved one as
much as you should.
Maybe you got hurt in a past relationship
and you still carry that feeling, afraid
to be hurt again.
Both of you come with baggage - with
your own set of preconceived notions,
fears, etc.
You can't blame the borderline personality
disorder on all of that.
However, that leads into the second lesson
from my story.
That you can tell when a storm is brewing.
Because you are so close to your loved one,
you are probably aware of their quirks, their
personality, and their patterns.
Borderline personality disorder can be
responsible for part of their personality,
but not all of it.
As an adult, they can make their own choices,
and they can choose how they act and
react - their behavior.
Unfortunately, because of the borderline
personality disorder, they don't always
exhibit good choices and good behavior.
But you should be able to notice patterns
in your loved one before their "storm"
actually hits.
This way you can be prepared, too.
One of the best things you can do as a
supporter is to keep your home as
stress-free as possible, which I'm sure
you try to do.
That's one of the things I suggest in my
main course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
But you cannot help with the outside
stressors on your loved one, nor the
ones that come from within them.
If you've been with them for any length
of time, though, you should be able
to note their behavioral patterns change
before they "go off."
For example, if they are under pressure
at work, they might bring that stress
home with them and take it out on you.
So you can tell when their mood starts
to change.
You can tell that they're more agitated
than normal.
You can tell when they start being irritated
by things you do (or don't do) and then
become critical.
These are all indications of an episode
of acting-out behavior, just like the coming
on of a storm.
If you see these things happen, you can prepare
yourself for them, and it won't take you by
surprise when your loved one picks a fight
with you or whatever.
In other words, you can see the storm coming
even before it gets to you.
Have you noticed that your loved one has
the same pattern before they begin their
acting out behavior?
Do you have a plan of what to do when
they do?
Your Friend,
Dave
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help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
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You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml