Borderline? Making Order Out of Chaos
Published: Thu, 08/13/09
Hi ,
How's it going for you?
I hope you're doing ok.
I was doing some thinking.
You know, about the same thing
that's on everyone's minds these
days - the recession.
Which made me think of the
government.
Which made me think of how we
have laws.
We even have law enforcement
to make sure people obey these laws.
And we all know what happens
if you break the law.
Right. You get arrested.
And then you have legal consequences -
like jail (prison), probation, community
service, etc.
Because you have to take responsibility
for what you've done (whether you
want to or not). You have to pay the
penalty for breaking the law.
That's so that order can be maintained.
Because without order, we would have:
CHAOS!
Have you ever seen reports on the
news where they show clips of crowds
getting out of control?
That's chaos.
When many people disobey the law
at the same time (like mob behavior),
that's chaos.
Chaos is what results from things
getting out of control.
Think about yourself for a minute.
Normally, your life should be pretty
much in order.
If your life is in order, you should
be feeling pretty peaceful.
Because peace is the result of no chaos.
However, if you are living with someone
who has borderline personality disorder,
your life is no longer in order.
People with borderline personality
disorder often "break the law" - in
fact, they kind of make their own laws.
Not the kind that involve law enforcement
officials, courts, etc., but just that they
want things done THEIR way.
And in the life of a supporter, this can
lead to personal chaos, and chaos in
the relationship.
How can there be any order when your
loved one is ranting and raving at you?
Where is the order when they're calling
you names?
How much order can you expect from
someone who:
- Fights with you for no reason at all
- Blames you for everything
- Accuses you of doing things you
haven't done
- Criticizes and degrades you (sometimes
in front of other people)
- Loves you one minute and hates you
the next
How can you ever have peace (absence
of chaos) when you're walking around
on eggshells all the time, afraid of saying
or doing the wrong thing?
And personally, how can you ever have
peace, when:
- Your self-esteem is very low
- You believe what your loved one
tells you
- You have been beaten down by your
loved one
- You are out of balance physically,
mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
- You've become isolated from friends
and family
- You've given up on your own hopes,
dreams and wishes
There's only one way out.
One way for you to restore order out
of chaos.
Just like our government sets down
laws for us to obey, you need to set
down "laws" - limits, or boundaries -
that your loved one must obey as well.
In my main course and resource below,
I talk about how important it is to set
boundaries with your loved one with
borderline personality disorder:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
To set a boundary:
You need to tell them what behavior
you will tolerate and what behavior
you will NOT tolerate.
What is acceptable to you and what
is NOT acceptable to you.
And then you need to set consequences
for them "breaking the law," or not
respecting that boundary.
For example:
"I don't like it when you yell at me.
I want you to stop raising your voice
to me. When you yell at me, I will
walk away."
The important thing is that you be
consistent with your consequences.
You must carry through with them,
or the effect of the boundary will be lost.
Eventually, your loved one will learn
to respect your limits.
What types of boundaries have you set
with your loved one?
What types of consequences?
How did your loved one react to your
setting limits?
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml