Borderline Supporter? Does Your Loved One Do These Things?
Published: Mon, 08/17/09
Hi ,
How are you doing today?
I have to tell you about something I
saw the other day.
I was in the store shopping...
And there was this couple arguing.
Well, I can't really say arguing, because
the man really didn't say too much -
it was the woman who did most
of the talking.
She was practically yelling, so loud
that I could hear her from where I was.
Let me tell you, I was shocked at
what I heard!
She was calling him all kinds of names!
She was starting sentences with, "You
ALWAYS..." or "You NEVER..."
She started one sentence with, "This
isn't fair..."
You could see he was embarrassed,
because his face was bright red.
And I was even embarrassed for this
guy.
His shoulders just slumped, and it
was like he was just letting this woman
rant and rave, and it didn't look like
he was even saying anything to defend
himself at all!
Now, this wasn't a small man. He could've
stopped this woman physically if he wanted,
I could tell that.
Instead, it looked like SHE was intimidating
HIM!
Now, why would a grown man let this
happen to him?
To let a woman say these things to him,
to embarrass him in public to the point
that his shoulders would slump and he
would be obviously affected by what
she was saying to him?
I couldn't think of any reason other
than borderline personality disorder.
In my main course and resource, I talk
about this type of behavior as acting
out behavior, the behavior that someone
with borderline personality disorder
would exhibit toward their supporter
when they are out of control:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
I can't judge whether this woman
truly has borderline personality
disorder or not, because I am not a
doctor or psychiatrist, and can't
diagnose someone.
But I CAN talk about her behaviors.
And her behaviors are definitely
borderline behaviors.
Let's look at the first one:
Yelling - ranting and raving at
the man that was with her.
Anger, rage, verbal tirades, even
verbal abuse...
These are all forms of borderline
anger, a symptom of borderline
personality disorder.
Then she was calling him names.
Name-calling is another symptom
of acting-out behavior when someone
has borderline personality disorder.
She also started sentences with "You
ALWAYS..." and "You NEVER..."
These are generalizations that many
people with the disorder will use.
The problem is that you, as a supporter,
really have no defense to these
generalizations.
They are just one of the tactics your
loved one might use when they start
a fight over (what appears to be) nothing.
Another symptom of borderline
personality disorder is the "this isn't
fair" part that this woman said.
Many people with the disorder feel
this way.
They may feel that life itself isn't fair.
They may feel mistreated, or unappreciated.
They may feel this way because of a
boss, co-workers, friends, family, you, or
just about anyone or anything.
Of course, this is just their perception
of things not being fair (to or for
them).
Again, I'm only interpreting this situation
the way I saw it, so don't send me
hate mail saying that I was mis-judging
this situation, or that I'm not a professional,
because I already said that I'm not, ok?
Right here and right now I'm saying that
this is just my judgment call, but...
By the very fact that the man slumped his
shoulders, I feel safe in assuming that this
behavior has happened before.
It's like a learned response.
This man was obviously embarrassed
by what this woman was saying to
him and how she was acting.
But I have to ask myself, if he accepted
this treatment in public, how bad were
things for him at home?
It's difficult to care about or live
with someone who has borderline
personality disorder.
But still, you can never give up on
hoping that they will recover.
Your Friend,
Dave
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