Borderline Personality? Stand Up for This
Published: Mon, 09/21/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope today is a good one for
you.
You know, in this country we
enjoy a freedom unknown or
unheard of in some other countries.
We have the Constitution.
We have the Bill of Rights.
We have the freedom of speech.
We have the freedom to go where
we want to go.
To do what we want to do (within
the law).
To be who we want to be.
All because we have certain rights.
The problem with borderline personality
disorder is that it tries to strip you of
those rights.
It has you believing that who you are
isn't good enough.
And what you do isn't good enough.
And what you say can get you into
trouble with your loved one, so you get
afraid to say anything.
Did you know that you even have the
right to make mistakes?
Of course you do.
Everybody is human, and everyone
makes mistakes.
When you are stripped of your rights
by borderline personality disorder,
you can feel:
Alone.
Stressed.
Anxious.
Depressed.
And even physically sick.
That's because who you are is reacting
strongly to the loss of your freedom.
For example:
Say you're late coming home.
It wasn't your fault - there was an
accident on the road.
Yet when you come home, you find
your loved one angry and raging.
They start accusing you of all sorts
of things.
(None of which are true.)
You try to explain, but you get nowhere.
In fact, the more defensive you get,
the angrier your loved one gets.
In effect, your freedom to go where
you want to go has been threatened.
In my main course and resource below,
I talk about these acting out behaviors
and how you can cope and deal with
them.
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
But for now let's just talk about
this one.
We are used to having rights.
We are used to not having our
freedom questioned.
So if your loved one acts like this,
everything in you might cry out
for justice.
You want to defend yourself.
But you certainly don't want a
fight.
But you also have the right to say
what you want to say.
So you can stick up for yourself.
You can simply say (in a calm,
reasonable voice):
"I'm sorry you're so angry, but the
situation was unavoidable, and was
not my fault."
(or something like it)
If your loved one stays angry, just
keep repeating the same phrase,
in the same calm, reasonable voice.
Eventually they will run out of steam.
The more you repeat your phrase
instead of getting upset or fighting
back, the faster your loved one will
wind down when they see you aren't
defending yourself.
The main thing for this to work is that
you have to remain calm.
Keep telling yourself that you have
rights.
That you have the right to be yourself,
and yourself doesn't like to be yelled at.
That you have the right to go where
you want to go without being accused
of doing something you didn't do.
That you have a right to peace of mind
and well-being.
Which you won't get if you fight back
with your loved one.
Even if you are right and they are in the
wrong, you might still get yelled at.
In fact, sometimes even more, because
someone with borderline personality
disorder will argue and argue believing
that they are always right.
But if you stay calm, you protect your
right to peace of mind and well-being.
Try these techniques with your loved
one the next time they get angry and
accuse you of doing something you
haven't done.
Protecting your rights is worth it.
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter Want your own copy of these
daily bipolar emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml