Good and Bad Borderline Procrastination
Published: Thu, 09/24/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're having a good day.
PROCRASTINATION.
What do you think of when you
read that word?
Putting things off, right?
And you probably thought of it
in a negative way, like most people
do.
Like if you have a task to do and
you don't want to do it, so you
procrastinate.
You put it off.
You delay it for sometime in the future.
There's an expression that says, "Don't
put off until tomorrow what you can
do today."
But when it comes to borderline personality
disorder, that isn't always possible.
In my main course and resource, I talk
about productivity, and how important
that is to successful recovery from borderline
personality disorder:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
But consider this idea, as strange as it
might seem:
Procrastination isn't always bad.
In fact, sometimes it's good, actually.
If you consider procrastination as "putting
something off," then...
Someone might procrastinate marriage
until they find the right person for them.
Someone might procrastinate buying a
house until they find one within their means.
Someone might procrastinate having
children until they are ready.
These are positive ways to look at procrastination,
wouldn't you agree?
Here's another way to look at it, as it regards
borderline personality disorder.
You CAN procrastinate WORRY.
Yep. You can "put off" worrying about
things for a better time.
For a time when you can deal with them better.
For a time when you might have more facts
about the situation that is worrying you.
And...
Sometimes if you procrastinate worry...
The problem solves itself in the meantime.
Here's an example that's close to home for a
supporter with a loved one with borderline
personality disorder:
This is what Martin says:
"Dave,
I love my wife, but sometimes I just can't
stand her. Does that make sense? Then I
just feel so guilty and ashamed for feeling
that way. I hate what this disease causes her
to do. I know it can't be all her. But still I
get mad at her, because she's the one doing
these things. We fight over nothing, and I
have to admit that a lot of it is because I'm
just so angry at her, at the way she behaves.
Tell me, is there any hope?
Martin"
---------------------------------------------------------
Maybe this post sounds familiar to you.
Maybe you're going through the same thing
with your loved one.
Maybe you feel the same way as Martin does.
The first thing I would tell Martin to do is to
procrastinate his anger at his wife.
Forever.
Because he is undoubtedly more angry at the
borderline in her than actually at HER.
It's the borderline personality disorder that
makes her act the way it does.
And it's important to make that distinction.
I don't believe that his wife CHOOSES to act
the way she does all the time.
I believe much of it can be attributed to her
borderline personality disorder.
And for her husband to get mad at her over
things she cannot help is not a good thing.
But if he could procrastinate his anger, they
would have a much better relationship.
By doing that, he wouldn't feel the way he
does (loves her but can't stand her) -
He could procrastinate his guilt and shame
as well.
It might help him to know that these are
normal reactions for a supporter of a loved
one with borderline personality disorder
to have.
But you don't have to take action on them.
You can procrastinate them.
If something makes you angry, try
procrastinating that anger until you can
deal with its source a little better.
Sometimes the anger will just go away.
Or you may even forget what you were
so angry about.
Try using this positive method of
procrastination, and let me know what
happens!
Your Friend,
Dave
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