Borderline? Be a Good Farmer
Published: Mon, 09/14/09
Hi ,
How are you today?
I hope you're feeling fine.
Let's talk about farmers for
a minute.
They have an entire farm to
manage.
Do you think they do it all at
once?
No, they do a little bit each day
to maintain it.
And how do they get their crops?
One seed at a time.
To tackle everything at once would
be impossible.
So they work on different areas at
different times.
And eventually the whole farm is
tended.
They have a big goal - to have a good
farm that grows good crops.
But they have smaller goals to reach
that big goal.
Then there's the saying, "You reap what
you sow."
That's not just true for farmers, but for
everyone.
Especially if you're dealing with a
loved one with borderline personality
disorder.
If your loved one wants to achieve
stability, get to manage their borderline
personality disorder, they have to do
certain steps, like I talk about it my
main course and resource.
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
They need to sow their seeds, just
like that farmer.
They need to take their medication.
They need to go to therapy.
They need to change.
And each of these changes is a seed
that they sow as well:
1. They need to overcome their fear of
abandonment.
2. They need to learn to treat you with
respect and dignity.
3. They need to develop a healthy self-
image.
4. They need to take care of themselves.
So, for example, if they sow the seed
of treating you with respect and dignity,
they will reap a better relationship
with you.
If they want to sow the seed of self-respect
and a good self-image, they need to go to
therapy to reap better self-esteem.
If they want to get better, they have
to sow the seed of a healthy lifestyle.
You have to do the same thing.
You have to be a good farmer.
If you want to be a good supporter,
you have to sow the seeds of support
and understanding.
You need to tend to your self-farm.
You have to take care of yourself.
You need to sow seeds of good self-
esteem in order to reap a good
self-image.
If you want to maintain good relations
with your friends and family, you
have to sow the seeds for that.
If you want things to change with
your loved one, you need to sow
the seeds that will bring about that
change.
For instance, if your loved one is
calling you names, belittling you,
criticizing you, etc., you need to
stand up for yourself.
You need to sow the seed of self-
respect that will help you reap your
loved one's respectful behavior
toward you.
You will also have to sow the seeds
of good communication.
Try to talk to your loved one during
a time when they are NOT acting
out - in other words, when they are
in a "normal" period.
Be kind and unthreatening.
But make your stand known.
If you start a sentence with
"I feel..." instead of "You do..."
you will reap a better result.
For example:
"I feel embarrassed when you
criticize me in public. Can we
talk about that?"
Instead of:
"You always criticize me in public,
and I hate that!"
Stay away from phrases like "You
always...." and "You never..."
because those come across as
threatening to your loved one,
and they will react.
Then the lines of communication
can be shut down again.
It's also HOW you say things that
are just as important.
Try using a quiet, calm voice.
Your loved one will respond better
to that.
What are some of the seeds you're
trying to sow with your loved one?
How are they responding?
Your Friend,
Dave
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